Chapter 28: When Buddhas Rebel
You say, “I loved what you had to say.” That could have been listened to from a tape recorder. Do you think you will fall in love with the tape recorder? You are in love with your own ego so much that you go on gathering everything that supports it, nourishes it, makes it stronger - and this is not the place to make your ego stronger! This is the place where you should lose your ego, and hopefully will not find it again.
The head-oriented approach to me has been destructive to your ten years; it can destroy your ten lives. You are saying, “It has been almost ten years since you gave me sannyas.” I never give sannyas to anybody - you take sannyas. Just see the cunningness of the mind: you have taken sannyas, I have not given it to you. And you can drop sannyas any moment because you have taken it. If I had given it, then only I can take it back; you cannot drop it.
I did not knock on your door saying, “Nitin, please become a sannyasin.” You came to me. You asked for sannyas. It was just out of compassion that I gave you sannyas, knowing perfectly well it was not going to change anything in you. You came here following your wife - she is an authentic sannyasin; she is not in love with my words.
When you love me, it does not matter what I say. To the loving heart, words don’t mean anything; but the presence of the person, his love, his abundant readiness to share his bliss - this is a totally different approach.
But I know your problem: you are a poor chartered accountant. Accountants are not known to be lovers, and lovers never account. Your mind is full of your accountings: how much you are gaining. You must be keeping inside you all the records. But that is not the way of love. So first you have to drop your false ideas. One is, that in the beginning you came through the mind. I insist again: you are still here because of the mind. You have a trained mind.
Secondly, you say, “You gave me sannyas.” That is unnecessarily blaming me. You took sannyas; you asked for it. If these false ideas disappear - then perhaps there is a possibility of transformation. And you are also unconsciously aware of what I am saying because you say, “And I am afraid I am still connected through the mind.”
Mind never connects; it disconnects.
If you are all here, enclosed in your minds, then there are five hundred people. But if you are here, singing and dancing and celebrating through the heart, then there is only one consciousness.
Mind divides; and particularly the mind of a chartered accountant. You are spoilt by your accountancy. You are a good accountant, you have a good mind, a sharp intellect - but these are not of any use in sannyas. You are clinging to them, and you are with me because you feel I agree with you. You will have to change the whole thing: you have to agree with me; I do not have to be in agreement with you. And when I say you have to agree with me, that agreement is not going to be of the mind, but only of the heart. When your heart agrees with me there is a harmony and a bridge and things start taking mysterious, miraculous changes.