Chapter 27: Unhinge Yourself
I said, “Then it is perfectly okay. You can go on sleeping. I will make arrangements with the manager for special concessions for you, because you are not seeing the films. He can only charge for sleeping, not for seeing!”
You cannot see a film even twice; you cannot read a novel twice. Any experience when it happens twice loses the most precious thing in it - the newness, the freshness, the early-morning glory. If you can understand this, Krishna Prem, the first experience can be a tremendous help rather than a great hindrance. The first experience simply shows that you are on the right path, you have entered the door. Now be more receptive and more innocent, more not-knowing, and much more is going to happen every day.
A small understanding becomes a golden key which opens doors of mysteries, secrets. But you can get hung up with the first experience and go on repeating in your mind - “When is it going to happen? It is not happening.” And these fourteen years must have been of sadness and you must have concluded everything absolutely wrong. You may have thought, “Perhaps the Master’s presence is no longer available to me. Perhaps the Master has withdrawn his love towards me. Perhaps I have lost some quality, some sincerity, some immense longing.”
But whatever you have concluded is wrong. And because of all these conclusions your fourteen years have been a long nightmare. It is time to understand that the first was only the beginning.
Deep in the Himalayas from where the Ganges flows, the current is so small that you cannot believe that this small current - which falls from a marble face of a cow - is going to become such a tremendously big river, so vast that when it meets the ocean it is very difficult to decide which is the ocean and which is the river. When the Ganges meets the ocean, the place is called gangasagar, the “Ocean of Ganges.” It has become so big, you cannot see the other shore.
The moment you meet a master for the first time, something is bound to explode in you - is going to fill you with a light that you had never dreamt about, an experience that has never been a thought in your mind, and a beauty that you can only know but you cannot say anything about. I can understand your difficulty. It is the ancientmost difficulty of all seekers of truth.
The first experience either becomes a hindrance or becomes an opening. It all depends on you. If you cling to it, if you expect it again and again, you are turning it into a hindrance. If you feel grateful to the experience, with deep thankfulness in your heart, and move ahead with no longing, no desire for the first experience, it has given you the taste that you are on the right path.
Gautam Buddha used to say to every sannyasin after initiating him, only one thing, for forty-two years continuously. And he must have initiated thousands and thousands of people. After accepting the person as his disciple, he would say only one thing: