Chapter 5: Read between the Lines
So first of all I will bring you to a total trembling. You will feel that you are fear itself, all the passion of your fear will be crystallized, you will be unable even to sleep in peace. You will continue to move around, but the trembling will be there all the same. You will see death all around you, as though the whole world is ready to kill you, to annihilate you; as if you have been thrown into an ocean when the waves are roaring and rushing toward you to swallow you up, and there is no shore in sight, no boat, no shelter, no one to hear you however much you scream - all around you the roaring waves of the ocean; you, and death, and nothing else! In this intense realization of death the transformation happens when for the first time you jump out of the body, and the glimpse, the experience of the soul takes place.
At first you will feel much pain near the master - all the anguish of separation and the extreme of your agony. Only then will be born that contentment, that sense of the deathless, from which fearlessness grows.
Here a point has to be understood: often it is out of fear that we begin our search into religion, so our natural desire surfaces that somebody should minimize our fears. But it is not a question of minimizing the fear, it is a question of completely uprooting fear. It is not a question of adjustment to fear, it is a question of utterly burning fear away.
In this world we are only able to drop things when the pain becomes so unbearable that we cannot afford to keep them anymore. The identification you have with your body is not yet so intensely agonizing to you. So no matter how much the sages explain it to you, no matter that the mystics say, “You are not the body, drop the identification with it!” you just hear them saying it, but inside you are rigidly attached to your body. You may regularly repeat such statements as, “I am not the body” - you may have recited this many thousands of times - but still you are convinced internally that you are the body. Any hurt to the body is a hurt to you. If the body is ill, you feel ill. You feel beautiful if your body is beautiful, and if your body is ugly, you feel ugly. When the body grows old, you grow old along with it. Naturally, when your body dies you will die. However much others say it, at the most we can create a false illusion around us, but without experiencing, the truth does not arise in us. So you have come here certainly with the intention of getting rid of some fear, but I will enhance your fear because that is the only way to destroy it.
One very basic point of the complexity of life is that when a disciple comes to a master, the motivation of the two is very different. And it should be so, because the disciple is standing in darkness, he is not yet aware what is good for him; at the most he thinks in that direction. The master is standing in the light; he knows what is good. So often you come to the master for some reason, and the master starts doing something else with you. You can regard this as a criterion: if your reason for coming to the master is also the reason of the master, and he starts working on it, then the master is also standing in darkness.