Chapter 9: Mind Is a Fraud
There are people who are full of anger, possessed by anger, possessed by pride. They are insane; insanity is the climax of pride and anger. And there are people who are afraid of anger and pride, hence they repress them. But a repressed insanity is far more dangerous, because it accumulates. Then you are sitting on a volcano which can erupt any moment; it will destroy you, and it will destroy others who are related to you. It is poison.
If one has to choose between the two, expressing or repressing, then expressing is far better, because at least the poison never accumulates. It is thrown out in mild doses, homeopathic doses. But if you accumulate, it is no longer homeopathy, it becomes allopathy. Then the doses are big and, sooner or later, your repressed anger will be so powerful that you will not be able to keep it repressed anymore. Then it will simply explode and you will be absolutely helpless.
Humanity has been taught by the priest, the politician, the pedagogue down the ages to repress anger. Society is not concerned with you; it is concerned only with your outer appearance. What happens to your inner world is nobody’s business; whether you suffer, live in hell inside, that is left to you. Just keep a beautiful appearance, learn etiquette, behave in a cultured way and if you are carrying a hell that is your problem.
But the person who is carrying a hell within, howsoever cultivated, sophisticated he becomes, remains a wild animal within. Scratch him a little bit and his humanity will disappear, his character will disappear and you will find just the opposite kind of man inside. That’s what happens when somebody drinks too much. Once a very cultured man is intoxicated, he starts being very uncultured. That is his truer self. Alcohol has not created it; it has only removed the barriers, it has only removed the rocks that were repressing it.
In the East there has been a secret tradition of tantrikas who practice meditation, and side by side they take drugs in greater and greater amounts for a certain reason. They are not interested in drugs, they are interested in meditation. But they go on increasing the amount of the drug slowly, slowly so that they can remain alert with it. It takes a long time; it is a very subtle process of awakening.
In the hands of fools it will be destructive, it will be suicidal; hence it is a sacred tradition. Only the master gives it to the disciple, and then very rarely. If he finds a disciple of much integrity, only then does he give this process: “Meditate and go on increasing the amount of the drug so slowly that it never overpowers you and your watchfulness remains intact.”
But the drug will start removing all rocks and it will bring up all that you have repressed down the ages in your many lives. Watching it you will be allowing it to disappear. That is the magic of watching. If you watch something, either it is going to disappear totally from your being, or it is going to be dissolved into your being. If it is something natural, spontaneous, it will be dissolved into your being. That too is beautiful. If it is something not part of your being, extraneous - has come from the outside, is a parasite on you - it will evaporate.