Chapter 10: Only Reflecting, But Not Identifying
But you don’t remember your own life and its pattern. These ups and downs are not happening to you, they are only happening in the mind - and you are not the mind. You can stand aside and watch the whole game. Choose any way but drop the old habit of again and again falling into the same trap. One time you can be forgiven because you were moving in an unknown territory, but the second time if you fall into the same trap, and the third time, and the thousandth time.! Then it seems that you have decided to fall into the trap whatever happens. It is not the trap, it is your decision - or perhaps you are not at all conscious and just stumbling in your darkness like a somnambulist. Even they do better.
But this old habit has to be changed. And there is not a question of any effort to change it. Don’t decide, “I will change.” A simple understanding, a simple clarity of the whole situation and the old changes. But even grown-up people behave like small children without maturity, without really proving that they are grown up. All that seems to be is that they are growing old, not growing up.
Little Ernie’s parents are horrified. Their four-year-old son is just learning to talk fluently, which is charming, but he uses the word fucking in almost every sentence - which is very impolite. They try every strategy to get him to stop, but nothing seems to work so they try bribery.
They tell Ernie that he can go to Janet’s birthday party if he stops swearing. His father has asked Janet’s mom to send Ernie home at once if she hears the filthy, disgusting word.
On Saturday at two-thirty Ernie sets off, but at three o’clock he is back again in tears.
“I told you not to use that disgusting word,” his father cried.
“I did not use the fucking word,” shouts Ernie. “The fucking party is not till next fucking Saturday.”
If we look at our own behavior, you will not find much difference. The same thing goes on and on. Let understanding prevail - a simple understanding. Just be aware of this silence. Don’t use words inside; don’t judge.
Let whatever is happening simply be reflected. And this has to be the method used to get unidentified with our ups and downs, and bring a balance to our life.
It is said that all situations and people we run into are like a mirror to us. Do I attract them both unconsciously as well as accidentally? When somebody is aggressive towards me, how can I distinguish between whether it is me or him who causes it?
Life is very interdependent. It is very difficult to decide who is responsible for what. In truth, we are all responsible for whatever happens; we contribute in some way to it. If somebody becomes aggressive towards you, rather than thinking in the ordinary way that he is aggressive, start thinking from the standpoint, “What is in me that is making him aggressive? - he is not aggressive to everybody.” He is not aggressive to the trees; he is aggressive towards you. There must be something you are doing, some way you are behaving that creates aggression in him.