Chapter 22: Aloneness Is Ultimate
But your interpretation is wrong. You will have to drop your interpretation. In fact, when you say “I face new aloneness” you really mean you face new loneliness. And you have not seen the distinction between loneliness and aloneness.
Aloneness, misinterpreted, looks like loneliness. Loneliness means you are missing the other. And who is the other? - any excuse that helps you to drown your consciousness, any intoxicant. It may be a woman, a man, a book, anything - anything that helps you to forget yourself, that takes away your self-remembrance, that unburdens you from your awareness. You mean loneliness really.
Loneliness is a negative state: the other is missed and you start searching and seeking for the other. Aloneness is immensely beautiful. Aloneness means a moment when the other is no longer needed, you are enough unto yourself - so enough that you can share your aloneness with the whole existence, so inexhaustible is your aloneness that you can pour it unto the whole existence and it will still remain there. You are rich when you are alone, you are poor when you feel lonely.
The lonely person is a beggar, his heart is a begging bowl. The alone person is an emperor. Buddha is alone..
And, what has happened to you has been aloneness, but your interpretation is wrong. Your interpretation is coming from your past experiences, from your past mind. It is from your memory. Your mind is giving you a wrong idea. You drop the mind, you go into your aloneness: watch it, taste it. All the aspects of it have to be looked into. Enter into it from all the possible doors. It is the greatest temple there is. And it is in this aloneness that you will find yourself - and to find oneself is to find God. God is alone.
And once you have looked into it without the mind interfering you will not want to be distracted at all. Then there is nothing to distract, then there is no need to be distracted. Then you would not like to escape from it because it is life, it is eternal life. Why should one want to escape from it? And I’m not saying that in this aloneness you will not be able to relate. In fact, for the first time you will be able to relate.
A lonely person cannot relate because his need is so much, he clings, he leans upon the other. He tries to possess the other because he is constantly afraid: “If the other goes, then what? I will be left lonely again.” Hence, so much possessiveness exists in the world. It has a reason. The reason is simple: you are afraid - if the other leaves, then you will be left alone, utterly lonely. And you don’t like that, and you feel miserable even with the idea of it. Possess the other, possess the other so totally that there is no possibility of the other escaping from you. And the other is also doing the same to you: the other is trying to possess you. Hence love becomes a miserable thing. Love becomes politics, love becomes domination, exploitation. It is because lonely people cannot love.