Chapter 5: The Discipline of Transcendence
Everybody knows that good parents are dangerous parents. A parent that is too good is bound to be a wrong parent - because he will encage you. Too much good is destructive. A good mother will destroy you, because the mother herself is not centered. Her good is enforced; she is trying to do good. The good is not natural and spontaneous. It is not like a shadow; it is effort, it is violent. Your so-called mahatmas go on crippling people, destroying people, destroying their freedom in many ways. They go on trying to dominate by subtle methods, in subtle ways. But the whole desire is to dominate, and it is very easy to dominate somebody when you are good. He cannot even rebel against you. Against a bad mother you can escape; but what to do against a good mother? She’s so good that you start feeling bad. Watch it: everybody has passed through that state, and it has to be understood. Otherwise you will never be able to accept yourself.
Whenever there is a child, there is bound to be some conflict between the child and the parents, particularly between the child and the mother in the beginning, and then later on with the father. It is natural - because the mother has her own way, her own ideas, her own philosophy of how life should be lived. And the child is almost wild; he knows no society, no culture, no religion. He’s coming directly from existence; he’s as wild as existence. He has nothing but freedom, so there is bound to be some conflict. And the child has to be initiated into the walls of the society. He cannot be left alone - that too is true. So conflict is natural. If the mother is very good then the child is in a difficulty, a very great anguish and anxiety. The anxiety is that the child loves his freedom and knows, intrinsically, that freedom is good. Freedom is an intrinsic value. There is no need to prove that freedom is good - freedom is good, it is self-evidently good. Everybody is born with that desire. That’s why we called the ultimate goal in the East “total freedom,” moksha: where the intrinsic desire is completely fulfilled and one has no limitations of any sort. One is absolutely free, unconditionally free.
Every child is born with that intrinsic desire to be free, and now everywhere there is bondage. The mother says, “Don’t do this, don’t do that, sit here, don’t go there.” And the child feels pulled and pushed from everywhere. Now, if the mother is bad, there is not much difficulty; the child can think that the mother is bad and deep in his heart he can start hating her. Simple, it is arithmetical - she is destroying his freedom and he hates her. Maybe, for political reasons, he cannot express it, so he becomes a diplomat. He knows that she is the rottenest woman in the world, but he goes on paying lip service.
But if the mother is good then the problem arises. Then the child is at a loss to figure it out; the mother is good.and freedom is good: “Now, if Mother is good then I must be wrong, and my freedom must be wrong. If I am good and my freedom is good, then Mother must be wrong.” Now, to think that the mother is wrong is impossible - because she is really good, and she goes on caring, loving, and doing a thousand and one things for the child. The mother is really good, the child knows that she is good. So there is only one possibility to decide, and that is: “I must be wrong. The mother is good, I must be wrong.”