Chapter 4: The Good Wife
That’s why marriage exists. Marriage has been invented by cunning and clever people, mathematicians. In marriage there is no peak, no valley; you simply move on plain ground. You never fall in love, there is no trouble. Marriage is security, not love. Marriage is an arithmetic, it is not romance. It has been invented by cunning people. They simply stop all possibility of any fight, anger, hate. They simply stop all possibilities of dangerous situations, insecurities. Marriage is always an “okay” affair: never at the peak where you can dance, never at the valley where you will weep. But a person who has not known dance, who has not known weeping, is simply not alive.
One should laugh and one should weep also. Laughter and weeping are two banks. A balance is needed. If you really laugh you will also weep. And what is wrong with weeping? Tears are beautiful. If you have laughed, if you have laughed deeply, tears become very very beautiful. They carry something of the laughter, because deep down the banks are one, they are not two. On one pole laughter, on another pole tears; one pole smiles, another pole cries, but deep down they are joined together. If you have laughed totally you will weep totally, and both are beautiful. Totality is beautiful.
But if you cling, then you can never be total. When you weep you cling to the laughter; you try to smile, you try to force a smile because you don’t want this weeping and crying: “This is bad, this is ugly” - and you try and force a smile. Tears are in the eyes and you force a smile. This smile is false - this is neurosis. When the body wants to weep and you are smiling, this is schizophrenia. This is how the split starts, how a person becomes two. Totality is lost. Then remember, when you laugh it can never be total.
If you cling to one pole you become afraid of totality. If you cannot weep totally, how can you laugh totally? That’s why the belly laugh has simply disappeared from the world. You don’t know what a belly laugh is, when not only you laugh but the belly laughs, the whole body vibrates. Not only you, but from head to toe everything laughs. That laughter is mad because you are totally in it.
Look at the absurdity of the world: only a madman can be total. You are afraid because you know well that you have suppressed tears, so if you laugh deeply tears may come. And it happens: you may have noticed many times, if you start laughing deeply, immediately you feel tears are coming. You feel confused - why are tears coming? Tears are coming because you have been suppressing them, and you have never allowed a totality. And now you laugh totally: the suppressed needs expression, the suppressed flows, the suppressed seeks a moment. The door is open - it flows.
When you open the door, remember, the enemy will also enter with the friend. If you want that only the friend should enter, it is impossible. Then you will have to close the door so that the enemy may not enter. But then the friend cannot enter either; it is closed - because it is the same door. And if you see deeply, it is the same person who is the friend and the foe. So if you deny the foe entry, the friend is also denied. If you say, “I am not going to weep,” you are saying, “I am not going to laugh.” If you say, “I am not going to hate,” you are saying, “I am not going to love.” If you say, “I am not going to become low, depressed and sad,” you are saying, “I am not going to be blissful.” Both are one, so you cannot choose. You can simply be aware and remain in the middle. When you are in the middle you can see that both are your wings.