Chapter 41: From Information to Transformation
I have held the following events close to my heart over the years. I relate them to you now because they may have some connection with the beautiful revelations of Swami Siddharth at darshan several evenings ago. The events may not be described as momentous, but they have a significance of their own, and I bring them before you in grave humility and from the depths of my being.
I was thirty-two years old. By then I had four babies, and was kept tied to the house. To keep my spirit alive, I was taking on a correspondence course. On the day of your enlightenment, my husband was out, the babies were asleep. I was drawing a life study of my left hand; suddenly the room was filled with a white shimmering light -no light was ever like it. I could see nothing but the light. I do not know how long it was there; I only knew that something tremendously significant had occurred. It left me breathless. When my husband came home, I tried to explain what had happened, but there were no words to describe it so we did not discuss it. I had to wait another thirty-two years before the truth of that event became clear.
I had been taking a theater class with seventeen year olds, two of whom came to me distressed, with feelings of helplessness because they had seen a film depicting the effects of a nuclear war. I took their pain home with me. Once inside the door, I threw myself face downwards on the floor, arms outstretched. I was in an empty dark space, opening myself to existence for some kind of answer. I was there for a long time. Later I went into my bedroom and lay on my back on the bed. Suddenly the same white shimmering light enveloped me; the room seemed to disappear, and after a few moments the head and shoulders of the man came into the light, his eyes towards me. Soon the head and shoulders of the woman appeared in profile in front of his left shoulder, her hands cupped together in front of her and against her breast. Into her hands came a small child. All was encompassed in this light. I cannot say how long they were there, but then they and the light were gone. I was panting as if I had been running.
I knew then that the first light thirty-two years before had been Osho’s light as it filled the world and was available to all those open to receive it. I was now ready to receive him. I knew that the second event brought me to the one who was the truth of our time. The first reality was when I was thirty-two and you were twenty-one, the light was your enlightenment and it filled the universe. The next day, my sannyas friend - who was doing some work for me - observed a great change in me. It was not long before I was at the feet of my beloved master.
I write these things because this light within us cannot be hidden. I bow down to the ultimate truth of the enlightened one. My beloved master and friend, I realize these events may seem small beside the others that are revealed to you at last; but they are brought to you from my loving heart.