Chapter 12: Doubt: The Methodology of the Seeker
One has to learn it.
Become more and more organic.
And when I am speaking, I am speaking; you are silent. The moment I stop speaking, you start yakketty-yak, yakketty-yak; your mind starts going round and round. You are not listening to me, Anam, that’s why you feel bored. You are bored with yourself. In not listening to me, you are simply listening to your own mind, and you know your mind perfectly well. If you are listening to me, then your mind stops. Then who can be bored? And how?
I have heard about a man who was sitting in a chair in a waiting room on the railway station. Many other people were also waiting in the waiting room. They all became interested in this man, because what he was doing appeared very strange. Sometimes he would smile for no reason at all. Sometimes he would burst into laughter. Sometimes he would throw away something which was not there, but his hands, his face, expressed the idea that he wanted to get rid of something. He was saying, “No, no” - not in words, in gestures.
The whole waiting room fell into silence. What was this man doing? And he looked rich, well-dressed, educated. Finally one man got up to ask him, “What are you doing? - because we are getting more and more curious. Now it is too much; and the train is late - we will have to watch you for at least two hours more. It is becoming mysterious.”
The man said, “There is nothing mysterious. I was just telling jokes to myself. And whenever I came across an old joke, I threw it away - I have heard it so many times. When something really juicy comes into my mind, there is a smile. Sometimes just a smile is not enough, the joke is so wonderful that I burst out into laughter. But all this I am doing to myself. How are you concerned? You do your work.”
Anam, if you are bored, you are doing it to yourself. Please stop doing it.
What I am saying to you is of the utmost importance, because it is a way of touching, but more subtle and sophisticated. A word comes out of my heart, travels to you, and if you are available, reaches exactly into your heart. Neither holding hands can do it, nor even kissing can do it - even French kissing! Not even making love can do it. Making love is a also a way of getting close, so close that you are in each other. But what a communion can do, even lovemaking cannot do.
Genitals meeting is not a great meeting. It is the lowest form of meeting - even buffalos are doing it. Only man is capable, at the highest sophisticated level, of touching your very heart.