Chapter 2: Living in Insecurity
The moment comes to you, you happen to the moment, and whatsoever comes out of you, let it come. The more you are spontaneous, the more you will feel a new discipline arising in you - a moment-to-moment discipline. It is a very different dimension, so it will be better to understand it clearly. When you decide beforehand what to do, you do not think your consciousness enough to act in the moment, spontaneously. You are not self-confident, that is why you decide beforehand.
But still you are deciding. And if you cannot act in the moment, how can you decide beforehand? On the contrary, you will be more experienced when the moment comes. You are less experienced: if I decide today for tomorrow, tomorrow I will be richer. And if I cannot believe in the “me” of tomorrow, how can I believe in the “me” of today? When I have to decide, it carries no meaning to decide beforehand. It will only be destructive.
I decide today and I act tomorrow: all has changed, everything is new. Only the decision is old. I am new, the moment is new and the decision is old. So if I do not act accordingly, there is guilt. So all those who teach deciding beforehand, create guilt. If I do not act, then I feel guilty. And if I act, then I cannot act adequately, and frustration is bound to follow.
So when I say you are not committed to any decision, you will be free. Let each moment come to you, and let your total being decide in that moment. Let the decision come as the act happens. Never let it precede, otherwise the act can never be total.
And one more thing: when you decide beforehand you decide intellectually. Your total being can never be in it, because the moment has not come. If I love someone, and I decide that when I meet him or her I will act “this way,” I will say “this thing,” I will do this and will not do that - this can only be intellectual, mental. This can never be total, because the moment has not arrived. The moment has not arrived, so the total being is not challenged. So how can the total being act?
And when I have decided beforehand and the moment comes, then too the total being will not be able to act because the decision will be there. So I will only imitate - follow, copy - the decision. I will be a false man. I will not be real because I will not be total. I will have a blueprint to act on, so I will act it. Again this will be a mental act. Not with your total being. So either you succeed or you fail. In both cases you have failed because the total being could not be in it. You will not feel the love.
So, let the moment come, let the moment challenge you, and let your total being act. Then the act is total. Then your total being comes to act. Then you are total in it. And the best that is possible will come out of the total, and never out of decision. So sannyas means living moment to moment with no commitment to the past.