Chapter 23: Enlightenment without Bargaining
To say it in other words, Yoganand: you are enlightenment if you don’t desire anything - enlightenment included. If you are simply silent and desireless - no longing, no future, just this very moment is enough unto itself - the rose opens up its petals.
But instead of looking into yourself, you are looking far away somewhere, maybe in Jerusalem or maybe in Kashi or maybe in Tibet.somewhere enlightenment must be existing. How long will it take to reach there?
You are already there, where you want to reach.
This is my whole teaching - that you are already that which you want to be. You have never been other than that.
It is an impossibility to be other than that which you are. Enlightenment is only a realization of the fact, an awakening and seeing the truth of one’s being, its beauty, its immortality. Thousands are the flowers that blossom in your being. Great is the music that goes on in your deepest silences of the heart.
You may be sitting unmoving but existence goes on dancing within your heart. In every beat you can hear, you can feel - it is you. Nothing more can be said about it.
You don’t have to go anywhere and you don’t have to do anything. Those are all strategies to keep you away from yourself. But rather than looking into yourself you are asking, “And does this enlightenment really exist?”
Desiring one year, meditating, watching, a great pain arises in you that “One year has passed and I have been doing so much and enlightenment has not arrived yet. Not even a knock on the door, not even some information about when Your Honor will be coming.” Naturally, a suspicion arises: “Am I sane? or just waiting for something which does not exist at all?”
Existence does not exist apart from you; hence you cannot find it. If you want to be enlightened, be enlightened.
One day, I decided to be enlightened. Since then I have tried many times not to be enlightened; it does not work that way. So just to alert you: if you decide to be enlightened and you realize this very moment as your enlightenment, its silence, its beauty.then remember you cannot fall back! There is no way, no reverse gear. You cannot say, “Now for a few days I am going for a holiday.”
Enlightenment knows no holiday.
I have tried hard. Not even in sleep will it leave me.
But who wants to leave it? Who wants to be other than enlightened?
Don’t use big words, because they are deceptive. Enlightenment, moksha, salvation, self-realization.all great words which make you feel that your hands are very small; their reach is not that big. And enlightenment seems to be such a faraway a star, you cannot hope.Perhaps some Gautam Buddha - and that too “perhaps” because who knows whether he was enlightened or just started telling people “I am enlightened.”