Chapter 8: The Tender Trap
And that’s what Mantra is doing - planning, thinking about it, brooding, preparing. And now this is the last thing that one can ask: “How to know when it is appropriate to end a love relationship?” It has not even started! The marriage has not happened and you have gone to the lawyer to ask about divorce.
And third thing: love happens on its own and ends on its own. You need not be worried about it. You cannot make it happen and you cannot end it. It is beyond you. It is far bigger than you. Your ego is not capable of controlling it. And this is why Mantra is not moving into love energy, and is completely unaware of what it is. She keeps herself in control. She is a disciplined lady. If she had been around in the old days she would have been appreciated very much - she is a lady. Now she has fallen in wrong company here. This place is not for ladies and gentlemen. For ladies and gentlemen there are other places - cemeteries. This place is for people who are alive - for men, for women, certainly, but not for ladies and gentlemen.
A lady is such a diluted woman - it is worthless. A gentleman is no more a man at all - that’s why he is called “gentleman.” He has lost all energy; he is lukewarm, he has no fire any more, no passion. His fire has gone out. He is mannerly, he knows all about etiquette, but he is dead.
One cannot start love. It is not like a switch that you put on and off. You can only make yourself available: when it happens, it happens. It always comes from the blue - and like a jolt it comes. And it shakes you and uproots you - it is an earthquake. The ground beneath your feet disappears. Suddenly you are falling into a bottomless abyss.
That’s why love has been called “falling in love.” You lose balance. You are no more yourself. You are drunk. You walk like a drunkard. The control, the discipline, can’t exist with love. You cannot begin it - how can you end it?
Sometimes it happens: love has ended and you can go on living with the man or the woman, but love has ended. Sometimes the opposite also happens: the woman has died, but love continues; the man has died, but love continues. The ways of love are very mysterious.
You can go on living with the woman and the man, and you can go on reproducing children, and love is not there. Or, the woman has left you, has gone with somebody else; for her, love has taken a different route - but you go on crying for her, you go on feeling for her; your heart still spins and weaves for her. Your heart still sings and dances for her.
Or the woman is dead and there is no possibility of meeting her again, but still it continues.
Love’s ways are beyond you. It is not possible for you to know when it is appropriate. Love is such a dangerous thing - you cannot know the appropriate time to begin it, and you cannot find the appropriate time to stop it. It happens in inappropriate times - when you were not even waiting, not thinking, and even when you feel embarrassed. But the God of love takes possession of you.