Chapter 20: Don’t Drop - Transform!
I said, “Go on being this way. Don’t have any relationship ever, because the moment you have a relationship this man will not come at every station. In fact if he was your husband, once he had dropped you in this compartment he would have escaped for the whole journey, because there are so many women traveling in this train - he would not bother about you. In fact he would pray to God that somebody takes you away, or you elope with somebody, or something happens, some accident.”
Husbands are praying, wives are praying, that accidents happen; “Everybody dies, but my husband never does. No accident happens to him. Every evening he is back home, the same old guy, and the same old story is repeated every day.”
Lovers love only while they are not yet in a fixed relationship. As the relationship settles, love disappears. Once the relationship is fixed, instead of love, something else takes place: possessiveness.
They still go on calling it love, but you cannot deceive existence. Just by calling it love you cannot change anything.
It is now hate, not love.
It is fear, not love.
It is adjustment, not love.
It is compromise, not love.
It can be anything - but not love.
The deeper you try to understand, the more it will become clear to you that love and hate are not two things. It is just a linguistic mistake to call them love and hate. In the future, at least in psychological treatises and books, they will not be using “and” between the two. In fact it is better to make one word, lovehate. They are two sides of the same coin.
You want to drop hate and you want to preserve love? Now, you are asking something impossible. All these things are interconnected. Wherever there is love you will find jealousy. It is impossible to find love without jealousy surrounding it. Everybody wants to drop jealousy, but jealousy is an intrinsic part of love.
The moment you love someone, immediately you become jealous of so many things.. The woman you fall in love with is talking with someone and looking so happy; she never looks so happy with you. Now, you are twenty-four hours a day with the woman - nobody can be twenty-four hours happy except a crazy man like me who has nothing else to do other than just to be happy. It is possible.
But a poor woman, living with a dodo twenty-four hours a day, and you both expect that she will be continuously laughing and enjoying and being a fairy.. You are expecting too much, you are being too esoteric. Be a little more real, more pragmatic; come down to earth.
And it is just because of you that she is enjoying those few moments with somebody else; you have bored her enough. And it is not going to do any harm to anybody. Let her have a little laughter - it will be healthy for her. You should be happy because she will be back a little healthier. Perhaps for a few moments she may laugh with you too. But your jealousy.and your jealous mind starts thinking, What is going to happen? Is she in love with that man? - because she never looks so happy with me.