Chapter 4: Trust Cannot Be Betrayed
Seeing a woman on the beach or in the shopping center, you are seeing a totally different kind of reality. To live with a woman twenty-four hours a day is very mundane, it has to be. But if you really love a woman you would like to know her reality, not her fiction, because love can exist only with reality. And love is capable enough of knowing the reality and yet to love her, of knowing all the defects and yet to love her. Love is a tremendous strength.
When you are with a person twenty-four hours a day, man or woman, you come to know all the defects: all that is good and all that is bad too, all that is beautiful and all that is ugly too, all that is like light-rays and all that is like dark night. You come to know the whole person. Love is strong enough to love the other knowing all the defects, limitations, frailties that a human being is prone to. But this fictitious love is not strong enough. It can only love a woman on the movie screen. It can only love a woman in a novel, it can only love a woman in poetry. It can only love the woman as a faraway, distant star. It can only love a woman who is not real.
Love is a totally different dimension: it is falling in love with reality. Yes, reality has defects, but those defects are challenges to growth. Each defect is a challenge to transcend it. And when two persons are really in love, they help each other to grow. They look into each other, they become mirrors to each other, they reflect each other. They help each other, they hold each other. In good times, in bad times, in moments of happiness, in moments of sadness, they are together, they are involved. That’s what involvement is all about.
If I am only with you when you are happy and I am not with you when you are unhappy, this is not involvement; this is exploitation. If I am only with you when you are flowing and I am not with you when you are not flowing, then I am not with you at all. Then I don’t love you, I love only myself and I love only my pleasure. When you are pleasurable, good; when you become painful I will throw you away. This is not love, this is not involvement, this is not commitment. This is not respect for the other person.
It is easy to love somebody else’s wife because he has to suffer the reality and you enjoy the fiction; it is a very good division of labor. But this is inhuman. Human love is a great encounter. And love is only if growth happens out of it, otherwise what type of love is it?
Lovers are enhanced by each other, in every way. Lovers reach to higher peaks of happiness when they are together, and they also reach to the deeper depths of sadness when they are together. Their range of happiness and sadness becomes vast: that’s what love is. Alone, if you cry and weep your tears don’t have much depth. Have you watched it? Alone, they are shallow. When you weep together with somebody then there is a depth, a new dimension to your tears.
Alone you can laugh, but your laughter will be shallow. In fact it will be something insane - only mad people laugh alone. When you laugh with somebody there is a depth in it, there is sanity in it. Alone you can laugh, but the laughter will not go very deep - cannot go. Together, it goes to the very core of your being. Two persons together, together in all the climates - day and night, summer and winter - in all the moods, grow.