Chapter 26: In Tantra, Forget about Technique
When you go through such a crisis - as Primal is - everything is shattered, everything is topsy-turvy. It has to be so because you move backwards. So don’t decide right now, just wait. When she comes out of the group you will have completely settled, and you will be able for the first time to really love. This is a good sign and nothing to be worried about. Whatsoever you were thinking was love, was not much; it was something else that has disappeared.
Always remember not to take any decision immediately after the group - never, mm? Because then you will repent for it. It is as if you have passed through an electric shock and you immediately decide something; it won’t be of much value. Let yourself come together again and a new perception will arise, a new clarity.
[to the girlfriend] And remember, don’t do the same thing as he is doing, because you will pass through the same process. So by the time he is settled, you will be unsettled.
It is such a deep change that one should allow a little time. So never decide immediately after the group. Wait for at least two weeks - wait the same time as you have been in the group.
[girlfriend] Would it be good for him to look after my son, while I do the group? He’s six.
He is not in a position right now. He himself is in a state of six..
Can my son take care of him? [laughter]
After Primal that happens - one becomes childish, juvenile - but that is the whole process. That is what it is all about: to bring you back to your childhood - irresponsible, innocent but irresponsible. That is what he is feeling - irresponsible. He is not worried about you or the child.
By the time your group starts he may have settled, otherwise make other arrangements. And don’t be worried about him. Take care of him. He is another child now - not a husband or a boyfriend, but another son. So be a mother, mm?
I’ve become interested in Tantra as a method. My girlfriend and I have been practicing it, and we were wondering if you could give us some technique.
Go spontaneously, and devise your own ways. If you practice some technique it comes in between you, and then it becomes a performance. Then you are more technically related to her than in a love relationship. When you are doing something and she is doing something, you are not being together. When you do something, she has become an object; when she is doing something to you, you have become an object. And nobody is an object. A person is a subjectivity. Don’t reduce any person to objectivity. Don’t treat any person as an instrument or as a means to something else - that is very violent.