Chapter 7: The Pulse of the Universe
I was reading Charles Darwin’s autobiography and I came across this passage. It is very revealing. Charles Darwin writes: “Poetry of many kinds gave me great pleasure when I was a child, even when I was young. Formerly pictures gave me considerable and music very great joy, very great delight. But now for many years I cannot endure to read a line of poetry. I have tried and found it so intolerably dull that it nauseates me. I have also lost almost any taste for pictures or music. My mind seems to have become a kind of machine for grinding general laws out of large collections of facts. Why this should have caused the atrophy of that part of the brain alone on which the higher tastes depend, I cannot conceive. The loss of these tastes is a loss of happiness.”
This he writes in his old age. He has lost all taste for poetry; in fact, it nauseates him. He cannot tolerate music. He does not say any thing about his love - if poetry nauseates and if music becomes intolerable, love will become impossible. What kind of man has Darwin become? He himself confesses that he has become a kind of machine.
That’s what has happened to humanity at large. Everybody has become a machine - smaller machines, bigger machines, more skillful machines, less skillful machines - but everybody has become a machine.
And those parts which are denied go on rebelling against you, hence the constant war. You cannot destroy sexuality; you can transcend it, certainly, but you cannot destroy it. And you cannot destroy your emotions. The heart goes on functioning and goes on weaving dreams. Maybe it goes underground because you are too much against it, maybe it disappears into the unconscious, finds a deep, dark cave and lives there, but it lives. Emotions can be transformed but cannot be destroyed. Neither sex nor heart can be destroyed.
That’s what the head has been doing: the head generally exists at the expense of the heart and at the expense of the body. It kills the heart, it kills the body, and then it lives like a ghost in a machine. You can see it happening all over the world. The more a person becomes educated, the less alive he is. The more he knows, the less he lives. The more he becomes articulate about abstractions and concepts, the less and less he flows. A man confined in the head loses all juice, loses all joy. Charles Darwin’s observation is perfect. He says, “What has happened to me? Why have I lost all my happiness? Where have my delight and joy gone?”
You have taken all your energy into your head, you have not left any energy for your sexuality - because all joy is out of sexuality, let me remind you. When I use the word “sexuality” I don’t just mean genitality. The genital is only one very, very tiny experience and expression of the sexual. The sexual is a very great thing. By sexual I mean whenever your body is alive, sensuous, throbbing, pulsating - then you are in a sexual state. It may not have anything to do with the genital. For example, when you are dancing you are sexual; a dancer is sexual, the dance energy is sexual energy. It is not genital, you may not be thinking at all about sex, you may have completely forgotten all about sex; in fact, when you forget everything about sex and you are dissolved into any deep participation with your total body, it is sexuality. You may be swimming or running - running in the morning.