Chapter 9: Almost Dead With Thirst
You cannot drop it. You can simply look and watch and understand. Once you understand, suddenly you feel it is dropped. You never drop it - when you understand it is no longer there. It is just like darkness: you bring a candle and the darkness is not there. You bring understanding, there is light, and the ego disappears, the shadows have gone. And when the ego disappears, for the first time you become a unitary being. Your unconscious and conscious simply lose their boundaries. There are not any boundaries in fact.
And Freud is absolutely wrong, because he thinks the unconscious and conscious have some substantial boundaries. They have none. It is only because of the ego. The accepted part of the ego has become the conscious because you accept it; it can come to the surface. The rejected part of the ego, because you reject it, you throw it away - where will it go? It falls deeper in you. There is no darkness: you are just standing with your back towards the rejected part.
Once you understand that the ego is just a crowd of multimillion impressions - and the rejected and the accepted are of the same quality, because both are false - understanding that the ego is false and a crowd, suddenly the crowd disappears and the falsity drops. In a single moment the boundaries between the conscious and the unconscious are dissolved. A merger, a floodlike merger happens.
And your unconscious is very big, nine times bigger than your conscious. So unless you are joined with the unconscious your life will be very, very fragmentary, superficial. You will live only a part; you will not be able to live the whole. You will do everything, but it will be done only by the part. The whole will never be in it.
And to me, to be whole in anything is to be meditative: to be whole in anything! Meditation is not something apart from life. Meditation is just a quality of being whole and total in something. You can fetch water from the well and it can become meditation - if you are totally in it. When you are drawing water out of the well.you are totally in it, just the movement of drawing exists: you fill the pots, you carry the water.just the movements, nobody else separate, divided. It is meditation.
Lin Chi was asked when he became enlightened, “Now, since you have become enlightened, what do you do?”
He said, “I chop the wood. I carry the water from the well.” Only this much he said. And at that moment he was chopping wood. He said, “Everything is perfect and beautiful. I chop the wood and I carry the water from the well and everything is perfect.”
If you become total in anything - walking, listening, talking - I say, if you become total, it is meditation. Otherwise you can go on chanting mantras with part of your mind and the other part goes on on its own. The crowd goes on. One member of the crowd goes on chanting, “Ram, Ram, Ram.” Another part of the crowd goes on with its own work. Some part is in the market, some is in the house, some has moved to the future, some is in the past, some is chasing a woman, some is reading the Koran and the Gita, and some part is chanting, “Ram, Ram, Ram.” You are a crowd. And this crowdedness can never become meditative.