Chapter 5: I Am Just Myself
Chosa was a disciple of Nansen and a contemporary of Tokusan, Rinzai and Isan. One day Chosa went for a walk and when he returned to the gate, the head monk asked him, “Osho, where have you been strolling?”
Chosa replied, “I have come from walking in the hills.”
The head monk said, “Where have you been?”
Chosa said, “First I went following the fragrant grasses, and now I have returned in pursuit of the falling blossoms.”
At this the head monk commented, “You are full of the spring.”
Chosa replied, “Better than the autumn dews falling on the lotus leaves.”
One evening Chosa (who was Kyozan’s “uncle” in the dharma lineage) was enjoying the moonlight with Kyozan, who said, “Everyone has ‘this one thing’ but does not know how to use it.”
Chosa replied, “Perhaps I should employ you and use it.”
Kyozan exclaimed, “Try it!”
Instantly, Chosa trampled on Kyozan.
Kyozan then commented, “Uncle, you are like a fierce tiger!”
My Beloved Ones,
These four days have been of immense difficulty to me. I had thought that Gautam Buddha would be understanding of the change of times, but it was impossible. I tried my hardest, but he is so much disciplined in his own way - twenty-five centuries back - he has become a hard bone.
Small things became difficult. He used to sleep only on the right side. He did not use a pillow; he used his hand as a pillow. The pillow was, for him, a luxury.
I told him, “The poor pillow is not a luxury, and it is sheer torture to keep your hand the whole night under your head. And do you think to lie down on the right side is right, and the left is wrong? As far as I am concerned, this is my basic fundamental, that I synthesize both the sides.”
He was eating only one time per day and he wanted, without saying a word, that I should do it also. He used to beg his food. He asked me, “Where is my begging bowl?”
This evening exactly at six o’clock when I was taking my Jacuzzi, he became very much disturbed - “Jacuzzi?” Taking a bath twice a day was again a luxury.
I said, “You have fulfilled your prophecy that you will be coming back. Four days are enough - I say good-bye to you! And now you need not wander around the earth; you just disappear in the ultimate blue sky.
“You have seen for four days that I am doing the work that you wanted to do, and I am doing it according to the times and the needs. I am not in any way ready to be dictated to. I am a free individual. Out of my freedom and love I have received you as a guest, but don’t try to become a host.”
These four days I have been having a headache. I had not known it for thirty years, I had completely forgotten what it means to have a headache. Everything was impossible. He is so accustomed to his way, and that way is no longer relevant.
So now I make a far greater historical statement, that I am just myself.
You can continue to call me “the Buddha,” but it has nothing to do with Gautama the Buddha or Maitreya the Buddha. I am a buddha in my own right. The word “buddha” simply means the awakened one.
It will be a great difficulty for poor Anando, because now I declare that my name should be Shree Rajneesh Zorba the Buddha.