Chapter 2: Totality Is Bliss
Memory exists only after the ego has come into existence, because memory needs a center to hang on. If you are not, where will the memory hang? Three years is a big thing, and for a child every moment is an event. Everything is something phenomenal, nothing is ordinary. So, really, he should remember more of the first years, the first days of life, because everything was colorful, everything was unique. Whatsoever happened was new. But there is no memory of it. Why? The ego was not there and memory needs an ego to hang on.
The moment the child begins to feel himself as separate from others, he will begin to feel shame. He will begin to feel the same shame that came to Adam. He found himself naked - naked like animals, naked like everyone else. You must be different and unique, you must not be like others, only then can you grow in ego.
The first act was to hide the nakedness: he became suddenly different. He was not an animal. Man is born. With Adam, and with Adam’s shame, with Adam’s feeling of shame, man is born. A child is not a man. He becomes a man only when he begins to feel himself separate, different from others, then he becomes an ego.
So, really, it is not religion which gives you the feeling of guilt, it is your ego. Religion exploits it; that’s another matter. Every father exploits it; that is another matter. Every father is saying to his son, “What are you doing, behaving like animals? Don’t laugh, don’t cry! Don’t do this, don’t do that; don’t do this before others! What are you doing? - behaving like animals!” And the child feels that if he is an animal, his ego is hurt. To fulfill his ego he follows, he falls in line.
To be animal is very blissful, because there is a freedom, a deep freedom, to move, to do. But it hurts the ego, so one has to choose. If you choose freedom, then you will be like animals, condemned. In this world and in the other world to come, you will be condemned. You will be thrown into hell. “Be a man. Don’t be like an animal.”
The ego is fed. One begins to live around the ego. Then one begins to act according to what is ego-fulfilling. But you cannot deny nature absolutely. It goes on affecting you. Then one begins to live two lives: one, the pre-Adam life; the other, the after-Adam life. So one begins to live two lives, one begins to live a double-bind existence. Then a face is created to show to the society. One is a private face and one a public face. But you are your private face. And everyone is Adam, naked, animal-like, but you cannot show it to the public. To the public you show the after-Adam face: everything clean, everything fitted to the social norm, everything to show for the others, not the real but the desired, not that which is but that which should be.
So everyone has to go continuously from one face to another. From private to public you are changing every moment. This is a great strain. This dissipates much energy. But what am I saying and what do I mean? I don’t say be like animals; you cannot be now. The forbidden fruit cannot be returned. You have eaten it; it has become your blood and bones. There is no way of throwing it. There is no way to return it and go to God the Father and say, “I return this - this forbidden fruit of knowledge. Forgive me.” There is no way. There is no way to go back. Now it is our blood.