Chapter 11: Free and Alive
It is natural, fear is natural.because coming closer to me means, in a certain way, dying. You can come closer to me only in one way, and that is if you lose your ego. So fear is bound to be there - the fear of death, the fear of losing your ego. But don’t be afraid. Let the fear be there, don’t be afraid of the fear; let it be there, accept it.
You are becoming closer every day, and the closer you will come, the more the fear will become an almost alive, throbbing thing in you. But there is a climax to it. Let it come to the climax, and then it will simply disappear, and with it you also disappear.
So I am a cross.fear is natural. In India we have a saying that a master is death. He is. I cannot give you a new life if I cannot give you a death. Only if I become your death can I become a resurrection. Your birth is possible only through death. Accept that there is fear, but go on becoming closer and closer.
My father has been very very ill, and I have been told that he will die in a matter of weeks. Communication has always been only on one level, and it’s always been difficult to get beneath that. I feel this may be a time in which it is possible.
It will be possible.I will help. Go.
Communication with parents is always difficult, very difficult. But if you understand just a little, then things can become very easy. Go back, take my books, my tapes, and talk more about me, about meditation. That will be something new, and it will not bring back the old pattern.
In fact whenever the son is with the father, the problem is about what to talk. The father has lived a different life, in a different time - and the times are changing so fast; the gap between generations is really tremendous. It has never been so great. The son lives in a totally different world, centuries apart. Now the rift is so big that even if you shout, it never reaches to the other shore. So the first thing to find is a bridge about which you can talk.
Now there is something new - go as a sannyasin, in orange, and he will not be able to categorize you immediately as his son, and that will be the whole change. It has happened to many sannyasins. Once they go home in orange there is a shock. Parents don’t know what has happened - suddenly you are unrecognizable. Somebody else has come back - he looks like their son, but something has changed. And that change will make it possible to communicate.