Chapter 8: Trust Is a Touchstone
Ego is like that. You go on cutting: a bit remains, bit remains, it remains - but it remains. And this desire to be certain what is going to happen, is an effort of the ego to survive even sannyas. No, I cannot promise you. You are to go totally - then something is going to happen. But you cannot even conceive it, what it is.
It is just like a blind man asking, “What is going to happen when my eyes will be operated on and I will be able to see? What is going to happen? Tell me - otherwise I am not going to take this operation. Let me first be certain. Let me feel what is going to happen.” What can you say to the blind man? Can you say, “You will be able to see colors and the rainbow and the butterflies and the flowers”? “you will be able to see light - light playing on water, sun rays being reflected by dewdrops”? He will say, “What you are saying is all nonsense. I don’t know what you are talking about. Talk sense!” Because to talk to a blind person in the language of those who have eyes is nonsense. I cannot say to you what is going to happen, and whatsoever I say you will not be able to understand, and whatsoever you can understand is not going to happen. Hence trust is needed.
Sannyas is not a conversion, it is a quantum leap in trust. Sannyas is a gambling, it is not a bargain. I can say only one thing: you will not be there. Something will be there - call it “x.” Old religions call it God. Buddha calls it nirvana, Jesus calls it the kingdom of God. But all those words are meaningless to you. Kingdom of God? - talking about a rainbow to a blind man? talking about Beethoven’s symphony to a deaf man? No, it does not carry any meaning. I cannot say what is going to happen. The only meaningful word that I can say is: Nothing is going to happen, exactly nothing. But remember, nothing does not mean nothing; it means the source of all. That’s what Buddha’s word nirvana means. Nirvana means “nothing.” Nirvana simply means you will cease to be, you will not be there.
The word nirvana means exactly as when you put off a candle. When you blow a candle out, if somebody asks where the light has gone what will you say? You will say it has disappeared into nothingness; it is no more, it is lost into the whole. To put a candle off, to blow a candle out, is the literal meaning of the word nirvana. Sannyas is a readiness to be put off: the candle that is burning in you, the candle of ego, will not longer be there. Instead of it there will be a tremendous space.. But that space is not known to you, it is not your experience.
You can see it in my eyes if you try. You can feel it in my presence if you allow. But to say anything about it will not carry meaning. It will become philosophy; it will not be truth. Truth uttered becomes false - not because it is uttered but because those who will hear it are bound to misunderstand it. Either they know it - then they can understand it, but then there is no need to utter it; or they know not - then the need is there to utter it but then they cannot understand it, they can only misunderstand.