Chapter 10: Seriousness: The Disease of the Ego
The first question:
What happened to Rajneesh on March 21st? Did he attain samadhi with or without seed?
This is not only your question, this is mine also! Ever since, I have also been wondering what happened to this guy Rajneesh. On that night, one moment he was there, and next moment he was not there.
Since then I have been looking for him within and without: not even a trace has been left behind, no footprints. If ever I get him, I will remember your question. Or, if it happens that you come across him somewhere, you can ask the question from my side also.
It is just like a dream. In the morning you are awake, you look around, you search for the dream in the sheets of the bed, under the bed, and it is not there. You cannot believe it: just a moment before it was there, so colorful, so real, and suddenly it is not found at all and there is no way to find it. It only appeared; it was not a reality, it was just a dream. One is awake and the dream has disappeared. Nothing happens to the dream.
To Rajneesh also, nothing happened; it was never there in the first place. I was asleep, that’s why he was there. I awoke and I couldn’t find him, and it happened so unexpectedly there was no time to ask the question. Simply, the guy disappeared, and there seems to be no possibility to find him again because there is only one possibility: if I fall asleep again only then I can find him - and that is impossible.
Once you are totally conscious, the very root of being unconscious is cut. The seed is burned. You cannot fall into unconscious again.
Every day you can fall into unconscious in the night, because the unconscious is there. But when your whole being becomes conscious there is no place inside you, no dark corner where you can go and sleep - and without sleep, no dream.
Rajneesh was a dream that happened to me. Nothing can happen to Rajneesh: what can happen to a dream? Either it is there if you are asleep, or it is not there when you are awake. Nothing can happen to a dream. A dream can happen to reality; reality cannot happen to a dream. Rajneesh happened to me as a dream.
So this is my question also. If you have ears, listen, and if you have eyes you can see. One day suddenly the old man is no longer found inside the house - just emptiness, nobody there. You move, you search: nobody is there, only a vast expanse of consciousness with no center, with no boundary. And when the personality disappears - and all names belong to personality - then for the first time the universal has arisen in you. The world of naam-roop, the name and the forms, disappears and the formless is suddenly there.