Chapter 20: Only an Egoist Can Be Humble
I said, “It will be a great privilege for me if I can sit and just watch your devotion, your dance, your musical singing.” And that day he did his best! After he was finished, I told him, “You have converted me: I have become a devotee of the mother goddess Kali. Now I will see you in the office.”
He said, “There is no need. I know you have been expelled - and a person like you with such great insight! You need not bother; you are admitted to the college. You need not apply for it. You are my most respected student.”
And he kept his word: he permitted me in his college, he gave me a scholarship. And whenever there was any occasion - and he used to find occasions to torture the professors and the students by his long, boring speeches - he would always mention me. He would say, “Perhaps nobody else is understanding me, but I am certain that there is one person” - and I was always sitting in front - “who understands me, and that is enough.”
You cannot be close to me when I say I am an ordinary man. And it is not “if.” Don’t try to deceive yourself, baby. I am really an ordinary man. Unless you are also ordinary, there is no possibility of communion between me and you. If you are extraordinary you will be so high, above the roof of the Mandir. If you are also simple and ordinary, you will understand the beauty, the grace, the innocence of it. Your ego will disappear.
But because of your “if” the whole problem has arisen in your mind. Deep down you want to believe that I am extraordinary. You may be arguing within yourself that I am just being humble in saying that I am ordinary. I am not a humble man. Only an egoist can be humble. Humbleness is just the ego standing on its head. I don’t have any ego - how can I be humble? There is no way.
You must be arguing within yourself that this is my way of teaching you humility, simplicity, egolessness, but I am not ordinary. Please, don’t deceive yourself. I am just as ordinary as you are, with all the weaknesses, with all the frailties. This is to be emphasized continuously because you will tend to forget it. And why am I emphasizing it? So that you can see a very significant point: if an ordinary man - who is just like you - can be enlightened, then there is no problem for you either. You can also be enlightened.
All the religions of the world have created a totally different situation. Krishna, the Hindu god, is an incarnation of God himself. You can listen to him, you can appreciate him, you can worship him, but you cannot imagine that you can become another Krishna! He is not an ordinary mortal, he comes from on high - you cannot even imagine the height from where he comes. You are ordinary creatures of the earth. He has come to give you a message, he has come to save you; he is your savior.
You know yourself perfectly well - how can you imagine yourself a savior? You know your weaknesses - you cannot drop smoking, how can you be a savior?