Chapter 4: Knowing the Mind
Immediately the girl touched the feet of her old mother. She had a habit of touching the feet of her mother every morning. She said, “Mother! You got up so early. Your health is not good. You should not get up so early. Come and rest.”
You can see the difference between what they said in their sleep and when they were awake.
Whatever a man says in his sleep is more authentic than what he says when he is awake, because it is more from the inside. What you see of yourself in your dreams is more of a reality than what you see in the marketplace and in the crowd. The face in the crowd is made up and artificial; deep down within yourself you are a totally different person. You may manage to hide things by sticking some good thoughts on the surface, but inside the fire of thoughts is burning. On the surface you may seem absolutely silent and healthy, but inside everything is unhealthy and disturbed. On the surface you seem to be smiling, but it is possible that the smile is just covering an ocean of tears. In fact, it is likely that you have been practicing your smiles just to hide the tears within. This is usually what people do.
Somebody once asked Nietzsche, “You are always laughing. You are so joyous. Do you really feel this way?”
Nietzsche said, “Now that you have asked, I will tell you the reality. I am laughing so that I don’t start crying instead. Before my crying can start, I suppress it by laughing. I stop it inside myself. My laughter must convince others that I am happy. And I laugh only because I am so sad that I feel a relief by laughing. Sometimes I can console myself.”
Nobody has seen Buddha laughing, nobody has seen Mahavira laughing, nobody has seen Christ laughing. There must be a reason. Perhaps there are no tears inside so there is no need to laugh to hide them. Perhaps inside no sorrow remains to be hidden by smiling. Whatever was disturbed inside has disappeared, so now there is no need to stick the flowers of laughter on the outside.
Someone whose body stinks needs to sprinkle perfume on it. Someone whose body is ugly needs to make an effort to look beautiful. Someone who is sad within has to learn to laugh, and someone who is filled with tears inside has to keep smiling on the outside. Someone who is full of thorns within must stick flowers on himself outside.
Man is absolutely not as he appears to be, he is the total opposite. He is one thing on the inside and something else on the outside. And it is alright if others are deceived by what you have stuck on the outside, but the problem is that you yourself are deceived by it. If only others were deceived by the outer appearance it would be alright - it is not very surprising because people usually only see the outside. But you yourself are deceived because you think you really are the image that other people see. You look at yourself through the eyes of the other, you never see yourself directly as you are, as you authentically are.