Chapter 9: Dyed in His Hue
Try and understand this: whenever you make a mistake you say something bad has happened. You protect the doer and blame the action. You get angry and say what a terrible thing to happen that I got angry, as if the anger happened to you - that the conditions were such that it was necessary - you don’t acknowledge that you are an angry person. If you hadn’t been angry someone would have suffered, or you were angry for someone else’s sake, never admitting the violence in your temperament. Or you admit that sometimes you tend to get angry though you are aware that it is a mistake. You somehow manage to save the doer and blame the action. You admit the wrongness of the act, but never of the person behind it.
Exactly that is your ego. Because of that ego you guard yourself against the genuine key, because as soon as the master key turns and the lock opens, the first thing to fall away is your ego. You become an insignificant nobody. Whatever you had earned and amassed suddenly proves to be meaningless rubbish. All this falls and the you with it. When the ego is annihilated, then you know that the key has worked; therefore, keep miles away from the key.
Rabindranath Tagore has written a beautiful poem. He says: “Since infinite births I have been seeking God. I do not know how many paths I have trodden, how many religious orders. God only knows how many doors I knocked on, how many gurus I served or how many yogas and penances I performed. One day, however, I ultimately succeeded in reaching his door. I used to get glimpses of him, though; but that would be as near as some distant star. By the time I reached there, the star had long gone by.
“But today? Today I stand before his gate. I read the name outside - it is his. I climb the steps so overjoyed that the destination is reached. I hold the knocker, I am about to knock, then..
“Then a fear catches hold of me! What if the door opens? What will I do then? And if I do meet God - what then? What will I do next? Till now there was only one aim in life - to attain God. Then there will be no more goal to work for. Till now there was only one obsession, one occupation - it will all be destroyed! And what when I have met him? Then there will be nothing left to do, no future to look forward to, no journey to undertake - nothing for the ego to work on.
“Fear made me tremble. I quietly put the knocker down. So gently did I let it go for fear lest a slight jerk may cause a sound and the door might open! Then I removed my shoes so that I could go down the steps noiselessly. Then I ran! I ran for my very life, so to say, and never even looked back once!”
In the last verse the poet says: “I am still searching for him. You will find me searching for him on different paths though I know full well where he abides. And yet I ask others where can I find him?” And I know where he stays. I seek him even now. Far away near the moon and the stars I catch a glimpse of him. But now I am confident because I know he will have gone far, far away by the time I arrive. Now I seek him in all places save one - where he abides; and I never go anywhere near it. I guard myself.only from him!”