Chapter 20: Mind Is Drunk
Jesus comes and knocks at your door.but you start thinking. You don’t open the door; rather, you may even get scared and bolt it more: “Who knows what type of man is standing outside? Looks like a tramp! And who knows what he is going to do once you open the door?” Once you open the heart you become vulnerable; then you are not so secure and safe. And this man looks an absolute stranger. You cannot trust. That’s why when Jesus comes to the door you miss.
First, you are blind, you cannot see, you can only think. Second, you are afraid, scared of the unknown. But about the past you are at ease, because enough time has passed, many people have thought, they have created theories, they have supplied all that is needed. Now you can just look at books; books are dead. But you can think about Jesus and come to a conviction. And then there is no danger either, because even if you open your heart to a book, nothing is going to happen. So millions of Christians go on reading the Bible every day, Hindus go on reading the Gita every day, Buddhists go on reading Dhammapada every day. They repeat in a mechanical way, every day the same again and again. There is no danger because the book is not a fire.
But Jesus is a fire: once you open your heart you are going to be burned totally. Once that stranger enters into your heart, the unknown has penetrated into the known. Now your mind as it existed before cannot exist anymore; you cannot be the same again. A discontinuity has happened, the past is dead. Not even in dreams can it be reflected anymore; all that you had accumulated is gone. This man is going to burn you completely, this man is going to be a death. But you are scared because you don’t know that after every death there is birth. The greater the death, the greater the birth; the more total the death, the more total the birth. And this man is going to give you a total death.
You are afraid. Who is this who is afraid? It is exactly that one who is afraid within you who is not you. That is the ego, your accumulation of the past, your identity: you are a man of position, prestige, power, a man of knowledge, respectable. This ego is going to be shattered completely by this man. This ego says to you, “Be alert! Don’t open the door so easily. Nobody knows who this man is. First make sure.” And by the time you are sure, Jesus is gone, because he cannot wait at your door forever and forever. It is such a rare phenomenon: the penetration of the unknown into the known, the penetration of eternity into time. The meeting of a Jesus with you is such a rare phenomenon that it exists only in certain moments and then it is gone. You miss, you don’t have the presence of your mind.
I have heard, once it happened:
A miser got fifty thousand rupees from the government, because he was traveling in a train and there was a wreck, and he made a claim. His bones were broken, there were many fractures, but he was very happy when he got fifty thousand rupees. He walked all over the town telling people the good news: “I have got fifty thousand rupees and my wife has got twenty-five thousand rupees!”
So one friend asked, “But was your wife also hurt, wounded, in the wreck?”