Chapter 7: The Mystery of Relationship
Just acquainted and we think that love has happened. Peripheries meet and we think we have met. You are not your periphery. Really, the periphery is the boundary where you end, just the fencing around you; it is not you. The periphery is the place where you end and the world begins. Even husbands and wives who may have lived together for many years may be just acquaintances. They may not have known each other. And the more you live with someone, the more you forget completely that your centers have remained unknown.
So the first thing to be understood is: don’t take acquaintance as love. You may be making love, you may be sexually related, but sex is also peripheral. Unless centers meet sex is just a meeting of two bodies, and a meeting of two bodies is not your meeting. Sex also remains acquaintance - physical, bodily, but still acquaintance. You can allow somebody to enter to your center only when you are not afraid, when you are not fearful.
So I say to you that there are two types of living: One fear-oriented; one love-oriented. Fear-oriented living can never lead you into deep relationship. You remain afraid, and the other cannot be allowed - cannot be allowed to penetrate you to your very core. To an extent you allow the other and then the wall comes up and everything stops.
The love-oriented person is the religious person. The love-oriented person means one who is not afraid of the future, one who is not afraid of the result and the consequence, who lives here and now.
That’s what Krishna says to Arjuna in the Gita: “Don’t be bothered about the result.” That is the fear-oriented mind. Don’t think about what will happen out of it. Just be here, and act totally. Don’t calculate. A fear-oriented man is always calculating, planning, arranging, safeguarding. His whole life is lost in this way.
I have heard about an old Zen monk. He was on his deathbed. His last day had come, and he declared that that evening he would be no more. So followers, disciples, friends started coming. He had many lovers; they all started coming. From far and wide people gathered.
One of his old disciples, when he heard that the master was going to die, ran to the market. Somebody asked: “The master is dying in his hut, why are you going to the market?”
The old disciple said: “I know that my master loves a particular type of cake, so I am going to purchase the cake.”
It was difficult to find the cake, because now it had gone out of fashion, but by the evening somehow he managed. He came running with the cake. Everybody was worried - it was as if the master was waiting for someone. He would open his eyes and look, and close his eyes again. And when this disciple came, he said: “Okay, so you have come. Where is the cake?”
The disciple produced the cake - and he was very happy that the master asked about the cake. Dying, the master took the cake in his hand, but his hand was not trembling. He was very old, but his hand was not trembling. So somebody asked: “You are so old and just on the verge of dying. The last breath is soon to leave you, but your hand is not trembling.?