Chapter 19: The Bliss of Aloneness
The illusion gives a certain solace, but it cannot create the reality so that all fear disappears. It represses the fear. So on the surface you feel good - at least you try to feel good. You pretend to feel good to yourself: how wonderful the relationship is, how wonderful the man or the woman is. But behind the illusion - and the illusion is so thin that you can see behind it - there is pain in the heart, because the heart knows perfectly well that tomorrow things may not be the same. And they are not the same.
Your whole life’s experience supports this - that things go on changing. Nothing remains stable; you cannot cling to anything in a changing world. You wanted to make your friendship something permanent but your wanting is against the law of change, and that law is not going to make exceptions. It simply goes on doing its own thing. It will change everything.
And perhaps in the long run you will understand one day that it was good that it did not listen to you, that existence did not bother about you and just went on doing whatever it wanted to do.not according to your desire.
It may take a little time for you to understand. You want this friend to be your friend forever, but tomorrow he turns into an enemy, or simply, “Get lost!” and he is no longer with you. Somebody else fills the gap who is a far superior being and then, suddenly, you realize it was good that the other one got lost; otherwise you would have been stuck with him.
But still the lesson never goes so deep that you stop asking for permanence. You will start asking for permanence with this man, this woman: “Now this should not change!” You have not really learned the lesson that change is simply the very fabric of life. You have to understand it and go with it. Don’t create illusions; they are not going to help. And everybody is creating illusions of different kinds.
I used to know one man who said, “I trust only money. I trust nobody else.”
I said, “You are making a very significant statement.”
He said, “Everybody changes. You cannot rely on anybody. And as you get older, only your money is yours. Not even your son, not even your wife - nobody cares. If you have money they all care, they all respect you, because you have the money. If you don’t have money you become a beggar.”
His saying that the only thing in the world to trust is money comes out of a long experience of life, of getting cheated again and again by the people he trusted - and he thought they loved him but they were all around him for the money.
“But,” I told him, “at the moment of death money is not going to be with you. You can have an illusion that at least money is with you, but as your breathing stops, money is no longer with you. You have earned something but it will be left on this side; you cannot carry it beyond death. You will fall into a deep loneliness which you have been hiding behind the facade of money.”