Chapter 24: Whenever the Ego Gains, You Are the Loser
All those egoist people were pretending to be disciples. I did not want to hurt them, so the best, the graceful way was that I declared: you are my friends, and I give you total freedom. And they accepted immediately, joyously, not knowing what they were accepting. They were free before they met me; now they are again free, in the same position. They have lost something, but they think their egos have gained something. Whenever the ego gains, you are the loser.
It is one of the reasons that I don’t want to have another commune. I want only a mystery school, so those who really are interested can come, learn, go back. It has been a tremendously meaningful experience, but it was not new. At every turn of my life I have had to drop a few people. And I don’t want to say to somebody, “I am dropping you.” I can’t be that unkind, ungraceful. I have managed things so that they drop themselves.
It has happened many times - this was not the first time. It is natural that as you go along, you start gathering some junk, some unnecessary luggage, and there comes a point where it has to be dropped. But these are living people. Although they are junk, they are just luggage, useless, I am still respectful towards them. So I have to find a certain device so they can go happily, not feeling that they have been dropped, but on the contrary, that they have gained what they wanted.
It was simply hilarious when I read Teertha’s letter. In the end he writes, “I am doing the same work as you are doing; the only difference is that you are doing it on a bigger scale and I am doing it on a personal scale, individual to individual. But the work is the same.” And then came this second news that he told somebody on the phone, who informed me, “I am of the same state.”
It is good that they are feeling good.
As far as the reality is concerned, those who were real disciples are still disciples - even if they become enlightened, they will not lose their disciplehood. In fact, they have attained to the ultimate of disciplehood. Their gratitude and their love towards the master is not less but more than ever.
Listening to you speak recently, I have had many moments when your words go in and strike a deep chord. When this happens it seems like two opposite phenomena occur simultaneously: on the one hand it’s like hearing something for the first time, and on the other, like remembering something just recently forgotten.
Could you say something about this?
They are not opposite phenomena. My whole work is not to make something of you, but to help you to remember something. Your innermost reality, your truth, has not to be brought to you; it is already there. It just has to be remembered.
The word remember is very beautiful. Ordinarily you don’t think about words. Remember means to make it a member again. Its root meaning is that you have forgotten some member of your being. Remember means you suddenly become aware that it is there.