Chapter 25: Nowhere to Fall To
Just today, I loved the news from Germany.. A young man punched his girlfriend in the nose, and the girl reported it to the police. They were produced before the magistrate. The magistrate must have been a wise man, which is very rare. He said, “Young man, you can slap her a little here and there, but don’t punch her exactly in the nose.” And with this advice he released them. Must have been a man of great understanding. A little slapping here and there is perfectly okay; otherwise life loses all juice. But punching in the nose, that is not for boyfriends - that is left for the masters!
A little pygmy living in the jungle in Africa gets a sore ass every time it rains. He goes to the witch doctor who offers him a cure which costs six chickens.
The pygmy catches the six chickens and receives an ointment from the witch doctor.
The next time it rains the ointment does not work, so the pygmy returns to the witch doctor. This time the witch doctor says that he will need a dozen chickens to make the cure.
With much effort the pygmy catches a dozen chickens and he is given some medicine by the witch doctor.
When it rains again the pygmy takes the medicine, but he still has a sore ass. So he goes to the missionaries. They cure him for nothing, and the witch doctor becomes very embarrassed.
The pygmy offers to tell the witch doctor how he was cured, but says it will cost him eighteen chickens.
The witch doctor catches the eighteen chickens and hands them over. “Okay,” he says, “How did the missionaries stop you from getting a sore ass each time it rains?”
“The method is very simple,” says the pygmy. “They cut the tops off my rubber boots.”
David, take life very nonseriously. You are not going to fall; there is nowhere to fall to.
Pope the Polack is on a pilgrimage when his plane crashes in the Sahara. Only the pope and a nun survive. They are lucky to catch a camel and start to ride it towards the nearest town, a hundred miles away. But on the second day the camel drops dead.
As they wait for death, the pope sighs, “The only thing I regret,” he says, “is that I have never seen a naked woman in my life.”
“All is pure to a pure man,” says the nun, and takes off her clothes.
The pope is amazed and blesses the nun for showing him. Then the nun confesses her desire to see a man’s body before she dies.
Pope the Polack takes off his clothes.
The nun gazes at his prick. “What is that?” she asks.
“That,” says Pope the Polack, “is the giver of life.”
“The giver of life!” exclaims the nun, jumping up and down. “Well then, stick it in the camel and let’s go home!”