Chapter 25: Nobody Is Planning except Man
I always hear you saying nice things about the women. Could you not stick up for the men once in a while?
It is a very difficult question. I could not sleep the whole night. I tried and tried hard to find something nice about men, but I have to admit to you there is nothing that can be said. You can see for yourself.
An interviewer for a ladies’ magazine is questioning a famous British general about his sex life. “Excuse me, sir,” she begins, “but can you recall the last time you had relations with your wife?”
His upper lip stiffens for a moment and then he says, “Yes, of course I can, it was nineteen forty-five.”
After a moment’s silence the woman says, “That was a long time ago.”
The general glances at his watch and says, “Not so long really. It is only twenty-one forty-nine.”
Hymie Goldberg sends his eldest son to India on a cultural exchange, but is very upset when he comes back as a sannyasin. Not knowing what else to do, he phones his old friend, Moishe Finkelstein, and tells him the sad news.
“Funny you should say that,” exclaims Moishe. “My son went to Pune and he too came back a sannyasin.” The two old friends decide to go to the rabbi for help.
When they have told the rabbi their unhappy tale, the rabbi scratches his head and replies, “Funny you should say that. My son also went to Pune and he came back a sannyasin. We had better go to the synagogue and pray to God for advice.”
So the three old Jews go down to the synagogue and pray fervently for guidance. Suddenly there is a clap of thunder and a voice from above says, “Funny you should say that, my son also went to Pune and became a sannyasin: Swami Jesus Christ.”
Man is a funny thing. If any of you find anything nice about man, please inform me. I accept my failure absolutely.
Can one live without planning? Not counting the dreams about a hazy future, I see that a lot of my mind activity goes into planning - for next week, for next month.
And when I try to act spontaneously I look like a weather vane that does not know how the wind blows.