Chapter 4: Apologies
You are going to an interview for a job, so you go on planning in the mind what to answer, how to answer, how to enter the office, how to stand, how to sit. But why? You will be there, you can respond.
But you are not certain about yourself, you are so unalert, you are so unconscious, you don’t know - if you don’t plan, something may go wrong. If you are alert, then there is no question. You will be there, so whatever the situation demands, you will respond.
And remember, this planning is not going to help, because if you cannot be conscious, cannot be aware in a situation when you are planning, then that planning is also being done in sleep. But you can repeat it so many times it becomes mechanical, then when the question is asked you can answer. The answer is ready-made, you are not needed. It is a fixed pattern, you simply repeat it; you become a mechanical device, you need not be there at all. The answer can be given, it comes from the memory; if you have repeated it so many times you know you can rely on it.
Through planning life becomes more and more unconscious, and the more unconscious you are, the more you need planning. Before really dying, you are dead. Alive means responding, sensitive. Alive means: whatsoever comes, I will be there to respond, and the response will come from me, not from the memory. I will not prepare it.
See the difference: a Christian missionary or a Christian minister, a priest, prepares his sermon.
I once visited a theological college. There they prepare their ministers, their priests - five years’ training. So I asked them where Jesus was prepared and trained, who taught him how to speak.
Of course these Christian priests are dead, everything about them is planned. When you say this, that gesture is to be made - even the gesture is not allowed to be spontaneous. When you say that, you have to look this way, even the eyes are not allowed to be spontaneous. How you have to stand, when you have to be loud, and when you have to whisper, when you have to hammer the table and when not - everything is planned.
I asked them where Jesus was trained. He was not a minister at all, he was not a priest. He never went to any theological college, he was the son of a carpenter.
For two thousand years Christian priests have been trained, but they have not produced a single Jesus, and they will never produce one again because Jesus cannot be produced. You cannot produce Jesus in a factory. And these are factories, these theological colleges, where you produce priests, and these priests are just boring, dead, a burden - it is obvious that it is going to be so.