Chapter 26: Your Aloneness Cannot Be Destroyed
There are millions of people who are playing cards, watching football matches - not at all aware of what they are doing. And if you ask them, they say they are killing time. Great! Time is killing you, and you remain with the idea that you are killing time. How can you kill time? You have never even seen it. Your swords cannot cut it, even your nuclear weapons are unable to touch it. How are you going to kill time?
But time is killing you every moment.
AIDS should be understood as a great blessing. Now you can stop playing cards, you can stop fooling around. You can stop watching stupid football matches. Now all the time is yours, and the only thing left before death comes, is to know thyself. And the death is so close that you cannot afford to remain ignorant about your own being.
The very closeness of death makes it possible for you to understand the deathless which is within you. That’s the whole art of meditation: to go within as deep as you can to the very center of your being. And you will be surprised, amazed that at the center of your being you are eternal. There is no death, there has never been any death. Nothing dies in reality, it only changes forms.
AIDS can destroy your body - but it is going to be destroyed anyway, there is not much problem. It is better that it is being destroyed by AIDS, because you cannot hope to survive; with AIDS your hope has also died. Now there is no cure, you have to face the fact. No help from the outside is available, you have to depend on your inside. You are left alone.
In fact everybody has always been alone.
From birth to death, the whole journey is alone.
You may be in the crowd, but your aloneness cannot be destroyed. It is there. You make every effort to camouflage your aloneness, but nobody has ever succeeded in it. A truth is a truth - you may postpone it a little bit..
AIDS destroys all postponement.
Whatever has to be done has to be done now!
Yes, one thing is certain, that you are a victim - a victim of your religions, a victim of your so-called prophets, messiahs, incarnations of God, God himself. You are a victim. Don’t try to hide the fact, that will not help.
AIDS is the ultimate outcome of homosexuality, and homosexuality is a religious disease. It was born in the monasteries where no woman was allowed. It was born because of the insistence of all the religions of the world on celibacy - which is simply stupid. You cannot be celibate unless you are impotent.
And remember, the impotent people have not given anything to the world. They don’t have any creative energy. Your sexual energy is your creativity. The impotent person is a hollow bamboo, nothing inside. He somehow drags on, but he is not living. He cannot live, he has no energy for living. He is condemned from his very birth. Only these people can be monks, nuns authentically.