Chapter 3: Help Your Child - Protect Him from Yourself!
Nor is the wife ready to drop asking him why he is late, knowing perfectly well that whatsoever he says is a lie. She knows it is a lie, he knows that she knows that it is a lie - and it is a lie, but it is a good beginning to a fight, a good start, a good excuse. And then the wife goes on doing the same..
I have sat with a husband in his car, and he is honking his horn because he is worried; he has to take me to a particular meeting and I have to be there in time. And I don’t like to waste people’s time; I am not a political leader. A political leader is supposed to come late. Again, the same power - you have to wait. And he is not just a nobody; he is so occupied, so busy, that he is bound to be late.
I know political leaders who were just sitting and gossiping, and I have told them, “We have to go to your meeting.”
They said, “You don’t understand. A politician should not arrive on time. That means he is not a big shot, just a small fry.”
I am not a politician. I am neither a big shot nor a small fry. I am just a human being, neither anything more nor anything less. I have been particular about arriving in time.
So the husband is worried, and the wife leans out of the window and says, “Stop honking your horn! I have told you one thousand times that I am coming in one minute.”
I looked at the husband and said, “This is something, ‘one thousand times’ and ‘I am coming in one minute’! Where did she get the time to say it one thousand times in one minute?” But it is a power trip. The wife wants it to be known who is the boss. You can go on honking the horn, but without the boss coming down the car cannot move.
I have a certain rapport with women, so whomsoever I was staying with, soon I became very close to their mothers, to their wives, sisters. And I asked, “What is the matter? Every day it happens; the poor man goes on honking.” And they would say, “Nothing is the matter. We are not busy, but he goes on coming home late every day and pays no attention to what we are saying. So whenever we have the chance.. It is simple give and take.”
All the people around you have been helped, greatly helped, to be what they are. You have been helped; now you want to help your children too.
All that you can do is be loving, be nourishing, be warm, be accepting. The child brings an unknown potential, and there is no way to figure out what he is going to be. So no procedure can be suggested: “This way you should help the child.” And each child is unique so there cannot be a general discipline for every child.
People like this Miss Judith Martin are suggesting measures for every child, as if children are produced on an assembly line in a factory. No two children are the same. How can you suggest, how can you have even the nerve to suggest a generalized program, that this should be done?