Chapter 10: The Alpha Is the Omega
Positive and negative are not real opposites. They are like the hen and egg, mother and child. They help each other and come from each other. But this understanding is possible only when the negative has been dropped. Then you can also drop the positive. And then you can stay in that transitory moment, which is the greatest moment in existence. You will never feel another moment so long - as if years are passing, because the vacuum.. You lose all bearing; the whole past is lost, suddenly empty, not knowing where you are, who you are, what is happening.
This is the moment of madness. If you try to return from this moment you will always remain mad. Many people go mad through meditation. From this moment they fall back, and now there is nothing to fall back to because the positive-negative has been dropped. They no longer exist; the house is there no more. Once you leave the house it disappears. It depended on you; it is not a separate entity.
Mind is not a separate entity. It depends on you. Once you leave it, it is there no more. You cannot come back, fall back to it. That is the state of madness. You have not attained to the transcendence, and you come back and you look for the mind - it is there no more. The house has disappeared.
To be in this state is very, very painful. For the first time the real anguish happens. Hence the master, the need for the master, who will not allow you to come back, who will force you to go ahead, because once you turn back it will take much effort to bring you again to that point. Maybe for many lives you may miss it, because now there is no mind to even understand.
In Sufism, this state is called the state of a mast - the state of a madman. This state is really difficult to understand because the man is and is not - both. He laughs and weeps together. He has lost all orientations, he does not know what is weeping and what is laughing. Is there any contradiction? He beats himself and enjoys, celebrates beating himself. He does not know what he is doing, whether it is harmful or not harmful. He becomes completely dependent. He becomes like a small child; he has to be taken care of.
If somebody goes into meditation without a master, this can be the outcome. With a master, the master will be the barrier. He will be just standing behind you and he will not allow you to go back. He will become a rock. And, finding no way to go back, you will have to take the jump. Nobody can take it for you, nobody can be with you at that moment; but once you take this jump you have transcended all dualities. Negative, positive, both gone - and this is enlightenment.
I talk about the positive so that you can drop the negative. Once you drop the negative you are trapped. Then the positive has to be dropped. Each step leads to another in such a way that if you take the first step the second is bound to come. It is a chain. In fact, only the first has to be taken; then all else follows. The first is the last, if you understand. The beginning is the end: the alpha is the omega.
The second question: