Chapter 10: The Alpha Is the Omega
For a moment you will be just in the middle, not knowing what to do, where to go. This moment will look like madness. You are neither positive nor negative, then who are you? What is your identity? Your identity, name and form drop with the positive and negative. Suddenly you are nobody that you can recognize - just an energy phenomenon. And you cannot say how you are feeling. There is no feeling. If you can tolerate it, bear this moment, this is the greatest sacrifice, the greatest tapascharya, and the whole of yoga prepares you for this moment. Otherwise the tendency will be to go somewhere, but not to remain in this vacuum: be positive, be negative, but don’t remain in this vacuum. You are nothing, as if you are disappearing. An abyss has opened, and you are falling into it.
At this moment a master is needed who can say, “Wait! Don’t be afraid. I am here.” This is just a lie, but you need it. Nobody is there. Not even a master can be there because the master also ends when your mind ends. Now you are absolutely alone, but to be alone is so fearsome, so scary, so deathlike, that somebody is needed to give you courage. It is only a one moment’s question and the lie helps.
And I tell you, all the buddhas have been liars just because of compassion towards you. The master says, “I am here. You don’t worry, you go ahead.” You gain confidence, you take the jump. Just a moment’s question, and everything hangs there. The whole existence hangs there; the crossing point, the boiling point. If you take the step you are lost to the mind forever. There will be no positive, no negative again.
You can be scared. You can again go back and enter into the negative or into the positive which is cozy, comfortable, familiar. You were entering into the unknown: this is the problem. First, the problem is how to drop the negative. A ripe understanding is needed. And that is the easiest thing, but you have not done even that.
Then the problem is how to drop the positive, which is so beautiful and gives you such happiness. But if you drop the negative, if you become that much ripe, you will have a second understanding, a second transformation, in which you will be able to see that if you don’t drop the positive, the negative will come back. Then the positive loses all its positivity. It was positive only in comparison to the negative. Once the negative is thrown, even the positive becomes negative because now you can see all this happiness is momentary. And when this moment is lost, where will you be? The negative will enter again.
And before the negative enters, drop it. Hell always comes through heaven. Heaven is just the gate; hell is the real place. Through heaven and the promise of heaven you enter hell. Hell is the real place; heaven is just the gate. How can you remain at the gate forever? Sooner or later you have to enter. Where will you go from the positive?
Once the negative is dropped, you can see that the positive is just the other aspect of it - not really contrary, not opposite, but a conspiracy. They are both in conspiracy; they are together. When this understanding arises, that the positive has become the negative, you can drop it.
In fact, to say you can drop it is not good. It also drops. It has also become negative. Then you know that in this life there is nothing like happiness. Happiness is a trick for unhappiness to come in. It is just like the egg and the hen relationship. What is a hen? It is the way of the egg to come back. And what is an egg? It is the way of the hen to come back.