Chapter 15: Now You Can Go
Then the second problem arises: the moment you are in love with someone, you are not in your senses. You are mad. Really, you are a lunatic. You are not alert, you are not conscious. You are moving as if in sleep. And if the other person is also the same - and a doctor or a psychoanalyst is the same, there is no difference, he has no higher consciousness than you - then he is also moving in sleep. Two persons moving in sleep are bound to collide; they will be in conflict, struggle.
We in India have given another word for falling in love with a master, just to show the difference. We call it shraddha - we call it trust, a loving trust. If you fall in love with a master - and you will fall - then there is a difference. You are in sleep, but the master is not in sleep. You will try in every way to create a conflict, violence, aggression, but he can laugh at it - at you. He can be kind and he can arrange things so that there is no collision. He can arrange things so there is no violence and no hate. But with a psychoanalyst, you are meeting a person of the same state of mind. The quality of the mind is similar; you will both create problems for each other.
In love, lovers create problems for each other. They go on throwing their problems on the other. And if both are throwing their problems on each other, then it cannot be a growth, it cannot come to a healthy maturity. Impossible! Again it will be an experience in failure. And the more you fail, the more you become experienced in failure. Then you know more how to fail. And with every love experience and relationship, if misery is created, by and by you will come to feel that love is a sort of disease.
There have been persons. Oscar Wilde has said somewhere that love is a fever, a feverish state. It is not health, because whenever you are in love you are in a fever. You cannot sleep properly when you are in love, you cannot be at ease. You are uneasy, a turmoil goes on, a fever grips you.
The third problem is that whenever you are in love you try to possess the other, you try to become the master of the other - the possessor. And the same thing is being done by the other: he or she is trying to possess you. And what does this possession mean? What is possession? Possession means to transform the person into a thing so that you can manipulate him. Then the person has no freedom. And each lover is making an effort to kill the other as a person.
Only with a master will this not happen. With the master the disciple will try in every way to possess, but you cannot possess a master. That is impossible, because you can possess a person only if he deeply cooperates with you. He may be insisting that he wants to remain independent, but there also is a deep need to be possessed. A master cannot be possessed, so your effort toward possession will fail. And he will not try to possess you. Rather, on the contrary, he is trying to make you more of a person - more alive, more free, more conscious, more alert. His whole effort is to make you more a person than a thing. But lovers are trying to make each other a thing. A psychoanalyst is an ordinary person with some expertise, but with no change of consciousness.