Chapter 7: Black-Nosed Buddha
But the ego creates a false trick. Instead of love it gives you attachment, possessiveness. Love says, be possessed by the other; ego says, possess the other. Love says, dissolve into the other; ego says, let the other yield to you, force the other to be yours, don’t allow the other to move in freedom. Cut the other’s freedom, let him become your periphery, your shadow.
Love gives life to the other; possessiveness, attachment, kills the other, takes the life of the other. That is why lovers, so-called lovers, always kill each other - they are poisonous. Look at a husband and a wife: once they were lovers - they thought they were lovers and then they started killing each other. Now they are two dead persons, they have become an imprisonment for each other. They are simply afraid and bored, scared of the other.
Once it happened: In a circus, there was a woman lion-tamer. And the fiercest lions were in her perfect control; she would order them and they would obey. And the greatest thing, when everybody’s breathing would stop, was when the fiercest lion would be ordered to come near and he would come, and the lion-tamer, the woman, would have a piece of sugar on her tongue, and the lion would come and take the sugar from her mouth. Everybody would go mad - so much excitement, everybody would clap and show their appreciation.
One day Mulla Nasruddin was there. Everybody clapped but he was not moved at all. He said, “Nothing, anybody can do that.”
The woman, the lion-tamer, looked scornfully at him and said, “Can you do it?”
He said, “Yes, anybody can do it - if the lion can do it.”
Man is so afraid of woman - and this is through the experience of love. Love, the so-called love, kills the other. Otherwise, why is this world so ugly? So many lovers, everybody is a lover; the husband loving the wife, the wife loving the husband, the parents loving the children, the children loving the parents, and friends, and everybody, relatives, the whole world is in love.. So much love - and so much ugliness, so much misery?
Somewhere, something seems to have gone deeply wrong - in the very roots. This is not love; otherwise, fear disappears - the more you love, the less you fear. When love really comes to its totality there is no fear. But in possessiveness, fear goes on growing more and more, because when you possess a person you are always afraid he may leave you, he may go away - and the doubt is always there. The husband is always doubting that the wife may love somebody else. They become spies on each other, and they cut each other’s freedom so there is no possibility.
But when you cut freedom, when you cut the possibility of the unknown, life becomes dead, stale. Everything becomes flat, meaningless, a boredom, a monotone. And the more it happens, the more you become possessive. When life is ebbing, when the love is going, when something is going out of your hands, you become more possessive, more clinging; you become more protective, you create more walls and more prisons. This is the vicious circle.