Chapter 10: You Are a Mystery
One has to understand the ways of thinking. One has to understand the stupidity of thinking. One has to understand that thinking creates conflict, division, struggle, that thinking fragments you, that in thinking you start falling apart. One has to see what thinking does to you. In that very seeing arises meditation. In that very understanding, suddenly you feel breezes of silence coming to you. For a moment everything becomes still, utterly still, a standstill. And the taste of it will bring more of it. And by and by you will know the knack of it. Meditation is a knack. It is not science, it is not even art - it is a knack. You have to learn it slowly slowly, through your own experience. So when I say “Meditate on this” I mean don’t think upon it. Just close your eyes, be in silence. Let it be there.
For example, Jesus’ story: Jesus and the woman of Samaria are standing at that well, Jacob’s well, and Jesus is asking “Give me some water to drink” - the dialogue that ensues, just let it be there.
And you be utterly silent in front of this parable. Let this parable be like a lotus flower - it is. Just let it be there, throbbing, pulsating with a beating heart. Let it become alive in front of you, and then become silent. What can you do? You can only be silent. Let this drama be enacted in front of you. In deep silence you see it, and that will reveal to you the meaning of it. And that will reveal to you all the dialogues that have happened between any enlightened person and the disciple. And it will become not only a Jesus parable, it will become a parable between you and me too.
It is happening every day. That’s what I mean when I say “Meditate upon this.”
The second question:
When you speak of the need for trust in order to let go of ego, I feel that’s where I’m stuck. For my distrust is a tangible thing. It feels painful, but I can’t let go of it. Early this year, for a brief period, I felt high energy and with it, open, loving and trusting. But now that energy has gone, and with it, the openness.
Always remember that when I am saying something, I am not giving you an order to do it. If you take it that way, you have already missed the point. I am simply making it clear to you. Don’t be in a hurry to practice it. Whatsoever I am saying has nothing to do with practicing it. You have just to understand it. Around me, the only thing that is going to help you is clarity, transparency.
When I am talking about the ego, don’t jump ahead. Don’t start thinking “How to drop this ego? Yes, Osho is right. This ego is creating the trouble, so how to drop it?” You have not attained to clarity, you have gone into greed You have become ambitious. Rather than understanding what was being said to you, you made it a desire. And now you will be in trouble.