Chapter 18: Be Available to the Unknowable
That is the fear against the absurd, because if you allow it, one day suddenly you will see the absurdity of yourself. You are here for no reason at all. You cannot prove why you are here and not somewhere else. Why are you with me at this moment and not with someone else? - Sheer absurdity. Just look at the absurdity of it - no reason, no cause. That is the fear. So if you allow laughter and you feel that it is absurd, just hidden behind it is the real absurdity - not the laughter, but the one who is laughing.
Allow it, and soon you will see that it releases you to the infinite sky. Even the confinement of logic is dropped. Then you simply live; you don’t ask for meaning. Then each moment is intrinsically meaningful - or meaningless; both are the same. Enjoy it, delight in it, dance it, but don’t make a system out of it.
Sometimes in the group I feel a need to hit someone physically, to get a point across. Should I do that?
You can do it, but hit very respectfully - then the quality of the hit changes. Hit with deep respect. First bow down and touch the feet, and then hit, but with deep respect and reverence. Then hitting is a tremendous act of compassion. But one has to learn the art; it is the subtlest of arts.
You should not hit in condemnation, you should not hit as a judgment. The sheer humanness of the other should be respected unconditionally. If you are hitting, it is because you love, because you respect. So make it a clear point that by hitting you are not condemning. Rather, on the contrary, because you respect the person, because you feel for the person so much, that’s why you are ready to even go to the far extent of hitting him.
So make it a point to bow down, touch the feet respectfully, and then hit hard. By and by you will see the quality changing. You will see a tremendous change in your being. It will not come out of anger; it will be coming out of compassion. And when you hit out of compassion, the other will feel a tremendously beautiful moment of grace, and you will see people touching your feet when you hit them. Then energies meet and there is a communion. So there is nothing to be worried about, just change the quality of it.
The group was a lot of fun. I laughed a lot and my stomach hurt when I came out. But today I felt terrible. I felt just like a garbage pail with flies around my head - really empty, and just down.
Soon things will settle. You are feeling tired and empty because you laughed too much, perhaps forcing laughter when it was not really flowing from you. So you went to the opposite extreme from the leader. It was fun but you should not take it as fun, or should take it as “serious fun.” You will feel empty after it is finished if you take the group just as fun, because it is just like a game that is now finished. It can be like an addiction, a drunkenness, so that once the group is over you don’t know what to do.