Chapter 26: The Essence of Surrender
And the same will happen on many levels. You will come to know a love that is not the love you had heard of before, that you have been in before. It cannot be said but you will feel it. It is almost tangible - not a word, but a wordless reality. The same will be about trust.
And beyond love and trust both, there is something that has no name. But it can be experienced only in a close feeling of oneness, in silence, without any effort and without any conditions. Not that you are doing it - if you do it, you will miss it. It is something that is happening. You are just a watcher. And anything that happens and you remain just a witness, is part of spiritual growth.
But when we bring these experiences into words we have to come down from the faraway stars to the muddy earth, and much is lost on the way. And by the time you have reached to the world of language, if you know the experience you are surprised that this word has not even a faraway echo in it of the reality.
But this is the problem of language all over the world because language has been developed by man for ordinary purposes, for mundane purposes. It has not been developed by the awakened people, and the awakened people will not develop it for the simple reason that they do not need to talk with each other. Their silence is enough a song, their presence is enough a message. Just looking into each other’s eyes is enough, or holding each other’s hand is enough.
So there is never going to be a language of the awakened people. They don’t need it. And the people who need it don’t have the experience. And if you use their words, naturally those words are overloaded with wrong associations. So this is good, that you felt the essence of surrender, although we were not talking about it. I have not even mentioned the word.
And this is the way you will come to experience many things which I will not be mentioning. I want you really to live it, feel it, be it. I want you to remind me - “Perhaps this is the thing that you were talking about before, but we never understood it.”
Sometimes I feel very strong and radiant. Whatever happens around me doesn’t really affect me. I feel a beautiful distance from events. But at other times I feel my skin has been stripped away and everything can reach deeply into me; a seemingly unfriendly word or gesture can hurt me for hours. I want to hide in some corner feeling very weak.
I have also experienced that a loving atmosphere around me when I’m in this mood can create a deep joy in me, but often I don’t want to come out of my corner. I know perfectly well I have regressed in these states, but this is frequently just an intellectual insight, not really an issue to the disease. I don’t like this childishness, but apparently I have to face it to take this step.
Can you help?