Chapter 3: When Anger Is False, Laughter Is False
This time it couldn’t come - because it was not there, and because you were not managing it. You remained true. This moment was truthful - nothing happened, but it was good. Nothing was happening inside so nothing happened - you remained silent; a certain peace was there.
So just try to remain true to the moment. If you feel afraid, then be afraid - nothing to worry about. Just tremble like a leaf in a strong wind. What can you do? There is death and every sort of calamity in life, every sort of misery, and one is afraid - naturally. There is nothing wrong in it. No need to be brave, no need to perform; no need to show anybody that you are brave. You are full of fear so be afraid. When you feel like crying, cry. When you feel like laughing, laugh; just move with the moment.
It will take a little time to get the hang of it but it will come. And you know - everybody knows - when one is trying to be phony. It may have become a long-standing habit, that s all.
You are in a certain relationship with anybody?
Her boyfriend comes forward.
I felt confused when she started crying. I felt sad, and yet I wondered if that was only because I felt I should be. I didn’t really know what I felt.
Do two things: allow her to be real - because sometimes we don’t allow the other. If she wants to be sad, okay - there is nothing wrong in it, let her. And don’t try to force her out of her sadness prematurely; let sadness mature. It is difficult sometimes - you would like her to laugh and be happy. Who does not want that?
And the second thing: don’t show any sympathy when you feel she is being phony. For example, if she is crying and you feel she is being phony say, “This is not going to help, and I am not going to show any sympathy.” You will be helping her. By and by she will understand that being phony does not pay.
Women become very phony because they understand the trick of manipulation. Lovers, husbands, children even, they can manipulate by crying - then they become dominating. You feel compassion and sympathy. Whether you feel it or not, at least you show it, because otherwise it will look inhuman if she is crying and you are not sympathetic. But to be sympathetic when the other is being phony is very dangerous; you are destroying her soul. It is not compassion, it is poisoning her.
Whenever you see that she is real, love her as much as you can. Pay her immediately, so her realness becomes an investment and phoniness becomes simply bankruptcy. You understand me?
If I say that I am going to accept her, and I am not really - like there’s a fight going on - am I better to leave for a while, to go out of the room and leave?