Chapter 13: The Way of Inner Change
This is ironical that the waking life, which we think is real life is not thought by psychoanalysis to be real; it is thought to be more unreal than your dreams. Your dreams are far more real, because you are not there to distort, you are fast asleep; the conscious mind is asleep and the unconscious is free to have its say. And the unconscious is your true mind, because the conscious is only one tenth of your total mind. Nine tenths is the unconscious - nine times more powerful, nine times bigger than your conscious mind.
And what will you do when you are fighting with your sexuality, anger, greed? You will go on throwing them into the unconscious, into the darkness of the basement, thinking that by not seeing them you are getting rid of them. You are not getting rid of them. Not even a man like Mahatma Gandhi.what to say about small mahatmas like Morarji Desai et cetera.
A man like Mahatma Gandhi continued to have sexual dreams. That simply shows that his whole effort in the waking life was futile, that whatsoever he was trying to do in the waking life was of no use. And he recognized it - at the very end of his life he recognized the whole futility of his discipline. His whole life had been a wastage; he recognized it. And in the end, just before he died, for two years he was experimenting with the science of Tantra. It is not talked about, not at least by the Gandhians - they are very much afraid of those two years. He was advised by his followers, “Please, don’t do such experiments.”
You will be surprised: even Morarji Desai had advised him, “Don’t do such experiments.” Why? They were afraid about the prestige of the Mahatma. They were afraid about themselves too. But he was a man of courage; howsoever wrong, he was a sincere man. He had the courage to accept that his effort of disciplining according to the traditional way had failed. In the last two years he was sleeping with naked women - just for the first time not repressing but expressing, being loving, open, for the first time not on guard.
My own understanding is that those two years of his life which are not talked about are the most important. Not only were they not talked about: the followers deny, hide those facts. And those two years are the most important in his life. In those two years, for the first time he became aware that sexual energy need not be repressed: it can be transformed.
His life was cut short because a fanatic from this very city, Pune, killed him. Otherwise it would have been a totally different story. If he had lived ten more years, then all these so-called Gandhians would have left him. Many had already left when he started experimenting with Tantra. If he had lived ten more years it would have been a great boon to humanity, because he would have been able to say, “My whole life’s effort of repression failed while Tantra succeeded.”
Ninety-nine percent of religious people go on repressing, and whenever you repress something it goes deeper in you, it becomes more a part of your being. And it starts affecting you in such subtle ways that you may not even be aware of it. It takes very devious routes; it cannot come in direct ways because if it comes directly, you repress it. Then it comes in such subtle ways, such devious ways, such deceptive ways, with masks, that you cannot even recognize that it is sexuality.