Chapter 9: I Am a River Continuously Flowing
Our meeting has been of a totally different quality. It was not a mind-to-mind relationship; it was a heart-to-heart melting. I have never felt that you are separate from me; not even for a single moment could I have conceived that you could turn away - away from me. That point we crossed on the first day.
The first day, when we met, everything became absolutely decisive for the future. It was not that tomorrow one does not know whether you will be with me or not - I could have said on the very first day that not only in this life, but in coming lives too, you will be with me. When love is pure, when there are no conditions to it, when there are no causes for it, when it is uncaused.there is no way of turning back.
But as far as Ajit Saraswati is concerned, I was never certain, even for a single moment - because he was continuously thinking that he knows. Perhaps he is not capable and articulate enough to say it, but whatever I am saying is his knowledge; as long as he found that they were running parallel and together, he was with me. Although he thought that he was in love with me, his love was unconscious, only a thought. Your love is a reality.
Whenever you have a headache, you don’t say, “I think I have a headache.” There is no question of thinking; you simply say, “I have a headache.” If a person says, “Perhaps I have a headache.” he himself is not certain about his own headache.
Ajit Saraswati, and people like him, thought that they loved me, but they simply loved their own thoughts - and they found echoes of their own thoughts in me, but more clear. Perhaps I was a mirror - they saw their faces in the mirror and they enjoyed that: “How beautiful is the mirror!” They were only saying that about their own faces, reflections. They were not even aware that they were standing before a mirror.
So many came in these twenty-five years, and it was natural that many would turn away at a certain point: whenever their philosophy felt offended, their mind felt that they would have to change their way of thinking. Rather than choosing me, they had chosen themselves - and moved away. With you it is a totally different thing.
In these twenty-five years, there have been many springs. And I am not a static person; I am just like a river - continuously flowing. If you can come with me, good; if you cannot come with me, that too is good. But I cannot change my flow just to adjust to people; I have never adjusted to anybody. I don’t know any compromise. So only those people who have loved me so much that if there was a question of choosing between me and themselves, they would choose me - only those people have remained with me for these twenty-five years.
You have seen so many changes, and you have become seasoned. Now you can be without any fear. Changes will be coming. As long as I am breathing, I will go on moving. And those who have learned to move with me have also learned the joy and the dance of movement. They are going with me towards the ultimate ocean.