Chapter 7: Life Is a Constant Drama
This type may look in the beginning to be very egoistic, but he is not. That’s the way he is; he wants to seek his own truth, he does not want to borrow it from anybody. Not that he is arrogant; he is humble. And he is not afraid of wasting time. He is not afraid of waiting for lives. He is not in a hurry; his patience is infinite. But he may look like an arrogant person. It is not that he is incapable of surrendering, no. He is surrendered, but this is his way, this fits him.
Then there are people to whom it cannot suit at all. They need someone to whom to surrender; they need someone to help them. Not that they are weak, remember; not that they are in some way inferior - they are not. It is just that natures differ, types differ, and these are the two types.
So this much I will say: that you are not the type who can work without a master, otherwise you would not have come. So don’t waste time. If you can find somebody with whom you feel attuned, then surrender, and allow him to help you. Think about it, mm? Good.
My lover has been very closed to me lately. He’s becoming closer to you but more distant from me, and I feel left out. I don’t know if I want to continue the relationship or not.
It always happens that when people are alone they become fed up with their aloneness. They are sad, but calm and quiet, not excited about life. So they seek somebody, some relationship, and then the excitement comes, but with it come many problems - anger, fight, jealousy, and a thousand and one other things. Sadness disappears, but anger comes because it is the same energy. Sadness is anger suppressed, because alone you have no one to express the anger to, so you carry it. And anger is sadness suppressed. These two cases have to be understood.
Unless you can be calm and quiet in love, love is not going to solve anything. It has to be understood that love in itself, or just having a relationship with someone, is not going to give you happiness unless you bring happiness with you. And if you don’t have happiness it is better to be alone.
And this always happens: unhappy people seek a relationship thinking they are unhappy because they are alone. That is not the real thing. They are unhappy - whether they are alone or in a relationship makes no difference. And when you are together your unhappiness will become more intense; it cannot disappear just by being together. You have to drop it.
Always remember that when someone is with you, he is with you to be happy. Everybody is seeking his own happiness. But whenever someone is in love, you start having the illusion that he is seeking your happiness. Why should he be?
If you both bring happiness, the relationship can be beautiful; otherwise it is going to be on the rocks any day. So whenever a relationship starts, it is good because both are deceiving each other unknowingly. Only the beautiful face is there. And only when things settle does the ugly face come up. Then reality erupts and things go wrong.