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OSHO Online Library   »   The Books   »   Om Shantih Shantih Shantih: The Soundless Sound, Peace Peace Peace
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Chapter 15: The Three Rings of Love

Osho,
I remember you saying, “Don’t surrender to a person, surrender to love.”
I’m in a relationship with a beautiful and powerful woman and we both definitely don’t want to surrender to each other. What does it mean to surrender to love while being in relationship? I’m quite in a mess.

Prem Avida, I can understand; you are really in a mess and there is no way out.

I have heard that there are three rings of love: the engagement ring, the wedding ring and the suffer-ring.

Your question makes it clear that you have not understood what I mean when I say, “Don’t surrender to a person, surrender to love.” And love is never a relationship; this is your problem. Relationship is bound to be a bondage. In relationship either you have to surrender or the other has to surrender.

And you yourself are recognizing that you are in relationship with a beautiful and powerful woman,.and we both definitely don’t want to surrender to each other.

Then just live in coexistence. Live the way all poor husbands are living. Show to the world that your wife is so surrendered to you.who is preventing? You just have to tell a lie and there is no mess - and surrender to the powerful and beautiful woman. But remember, the moment a man surrenders to a woman he loses dignity in her eyes. She starts looking here and there for someone who has the guts not to surrender.

You don’t seem to have guts. There is no need to surrender to each other. Surrender to love means: enjoy in the happiness of the other, rejoice in the being of the other; be in tune with each other, dance in harmony.

The question of surrender is political, it is not a question of love. And relationship is not love at all; it means love has ended and relationship has begun. It begins very soon after the honeymoon - mostly in the middle of the honeymoon. It is not easy to live with another person whose life-style is different, whose likings are different, whose education and culture is different, and above all the other happens to be a woman - even their biology is different.

But one thing you have to understand clearly is that it is the man who longs for domination, and it is the woman who dominates. This is what I call coexistence: live and let live. More than that is all imagination. If you really had known what love is.The basic thing is not to create a relationship. Stand aloof as the pillars of a temple stand aloof, but support the same roof. Don’t destroy the individuality of the other, enhance it if you can; otherwise, at least leave it as it is, uninterfered with.

Freedom is not to be destroyed in the name of love.

Freedom is a far higher value than your so-called love.

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