Chapter 17: A No-Return State of Affairs
In three days! You managed very quickly; you did not even wait for my answer. You were going to become enlightened and you got caught into a relationship. Not only you got caught into a relationship.
She broke off our relationship and stole my money.
From where have you got that money? You were living in a bamboo hut, using a rented bicycle, your suitcase had changed into a backpack.certainly you must have stolen somebody’s money. And perhaps that’s why you were afraid of women, because you cannot always keep an eye on your backpack - sometime the woman is going to look into it.
Perhaps it was her money and she was in search of you. One thing is certain, it was not your money, because you don’t mention it in the first question at all.
And now she has stolen your money,
.and is playing the devotee.
Last week I felt so blessed to be here, and now I only feel anger and hatred about my experiences and about my ex-girlfriend.
I was bitten by a stray dog, and cut my finger badly. I feel lots of tears coming up, I can’t handle it anymore.
I am afraid of being a phony sannyasin, a dangerous lion in a sheepskin. And I love you!
Now your question is so complicated.and the last thing is that you still love me. I also want to bring tears to my eyes, that my lover - in such a great economic depression, broken relationship with a woman - has lost all his money. He was already going towards enlightenment on a rented bicycle, and all this happened and everything changed. He wants to kill himself, to kill the girl and perhaps deeply he wants to kill me! Because unless you want to kill me, you don’t love.
Love is really the beginning of a dangerous relationship in which some accident is going to happen. Either you kill yourself or you kill the other, but some murder, some massacre is ahead.
And this love is such a thing that you don’t even need my permission. You don’t even ask me - without even asking me, “Can I love you? Can I be also an enemy to you?” When you had enough money, you never said, “I love you.” When the money is also gone and you cannot even rent a bicycle and enlightenment seems to be so far away.so now you have decided to love me!
And you are in an absolute delusion because you say, “I am afraid of being a phony sannyasin.” Are you American? If you are American, you cannot be anything other than a phony sannyasin. A phony sannyasin simply means a sannyasin with a telephone. It is nothing to be worried about.