Chapter 5: Playfulness Is Heaven
You fight for the love of a woman or a man; you fight for the love of your family or clan. You fight for the love of your ideology or religion; you fight for the love of your mother-country or father-country, father-land, motherland. You go on fighting for your love! All murders, all killings - all kinds of sufferings exist because of your so-called love.
Something is basically wrong with your love - your love is a fixated love; it is not a flowing play. It is serious, it is exclusive, it is possessive. It is full of stupidity.
One should be able to see all this - and just seeing it, you start relaxing. You see the point of it and you start relaxing, and a new awareness arises in you.
Just. I am surprised when I come across a man whose wife has died - and he is still crying and in anguish: his beloved has died. Why be so monopolistic? There are so many beautiful women still alive! This makes no sense. Your husband has died and for your whole life you will remain in a nightmare - because you cannot love anybody else? Your love is so tiny? so fixated? it was a kind of obsession? It was neurotic, it was not healthy. Otherwise, when the husband is dead, yes, there will be sadness, but you will say good-bye and you will move. You will not sacrifice your life - because sacrificing your life is dangerous. If you sacrifice your life and you become a martyr, you will take revenge on life; you will create guilt in your children, you will create guilt all around. And you will suffer! And when a person suffers, he creates vibes of suffering all around.
No, this makes no sense! The world is full of so many people, why should you be so fixated? But the fixation comes from the very beginning: the moment a child says “my mother,” and the mother feels very happy, the fixation has started. Now the child will remain obsessed his whole life.
And when the child is small, he is naturally dependent on the mother - and mothers and fathers have exploited that dependence immensely. He is helpless, he cannot survive on his or her own; he has to look up to the mother and the father. His helplessness is exploited. He knows if the mother is gone, he will be dead. If the mother is no more available, he will be dead, he will not be able to survive. This idea goes on and on getting deeper and deeper.. And the mother helps it, because the mother enjoys the ego trip that “You cannot survive without me.” She threatens many times, “Listen to me, otherwise I will leave and go forever, or I will die - and then you will know!” And the child is shaken to the very roots - he cannot survive without the mother.