Chapter 7: They Kill Lust with Lust
Lust happens when you are unconscious. You see a woman or a man and you fall in love, and you don’t know why, sometimes even against yourself, in spite of yourself.
People come and say to me, “What can we do? We are helpless; love has happened.” This love is not the love of the Baul; this is lust. What a Baul calls lust is this: unconscious love is lust. Then it flows downwards. Then it moves through the sex center into the world again. Upwards lust is love, but then it is conscious. Consciousness is the staircase: step by step you become more and more conscious. Whatsoever you do, you do it with full consciousness - even walking, eating, going to bed, talking, listening - small things of life, but you do them with consciousness. And when you are in love, you are in love with full consciousness.
It is not against yourself. It is not that you are possessed, it is not that you are a victim, it is not that you are being pulled by somebody like a magnet. No, you are moving on your own. The Bauls’ love is very cool; it has the coolness of awareness. Your love is very hot; it has the fever of unconsciousness. You are functioning through kundabuffer. This mechanism exists just at the center of sex. People who are living through kundabuffer can live two sorts of lives: one of indulgence, the other of repression - but both are the same.
Ordinarily the people who live a life of repression are thought to be saints. That’s simply foolish. They are the same people in a different garb. People who live a life of indulgence are as unconscious as the people who live a life of repression. In fact, the stronger the kundabuffer is, the more people become repressive, because they want to control it. They are afraid. They are afraid because they are losing the ego control over their sex desire. They try to control it, but their control is like forcing the sex desire deep into the unconscious. They sit on top of it; they have to continuously fight with it. And remember: if you have to fight with something you can never leave it and you can never go beyond it.
To fight with it you have to remain on the same level. To fight with it you have to remain sitting on top of it for twenty-four hours. There is no holiday. You leave it even for a single moment and it is again there, forcing you towards indulgence. Indulgence and repression are the two faces of the same type of person. In your monasteries you will find the repressive type, in the world you will find the indulgent type. The playboy and the so-called saint may look opposite to each other, but they are complementary. Their obsession is the same, their fixation is the same, their neurosis is the same. Kundabuffer has to be melted down. What to do? One small technique will be of tremendous help.